Alas, here I am again, in anguish, insisting that I have things the way I would prefer. I even have the audacity to say this encounter has been blessed, that God approves of me choosing to seek divine Love from unreliable sources.
I do believe in a blessed human love, though I wonder why I’m consistently ignoring what is constantly right there. Perfect understanding, knowledge of all my weakness and limitless care for my well being.
Why must I hunger for something so elusive and prone to typical human frailty? The more it escapes my grasp, the more I crave. Am I addicted to such self-abuse? Evidently, as sad as that is to admit, I must increase my effort to realize His Love for me and to integrate the truth that, that is enough. From there I will begin to love myself enough to abstain from one-sided affairs.
Greetings friends and reading enthusiasts. I am at the crux of, order out of chaos or vice versa and have no wish to discern which. The following are a couple passages from recent reading that have struck me as profound, though why is still a mystery.
The hidden life of love, in its most inward depths, is unfathomable and still has a boundless relationship with the whole of existence. as the quiet lake is fed by the flow of hidden springs, which no eyes see, so a human being’s love is grounded in God’s love.
Soren Kierkegaard Provocations
Revelation induces complete but temporary suspension of doubt and fear. It reflects the original form of communication between God and his creations, involving the extremely personal sense of creation sometimes sought in physical relationships. Physical closeness cannot achieve it.
ACIM II. Revelation, Time and Miracles
Fantasy is a distorted form of vision. Fantasies of any kind are distortions because they always involve twisting perception into unreality. Actions that stem from distortions are literally the reactions of those who know not what they do. Fantasy is an attempt to control reality according to false needs. Twist reality in any way and you are perceiving destructively. Fantasies are a way of making false associations and attempting to obtain pleasure from them.
ACIM VII. Distortions of Miracle Impulses
So there you have it, take from it what you will and have a day that you create.
So, are you not surprised that I might be taking a close look at myself in relationships? As well as in other aspects of my life. What is important? Is who I am relating to and how I am, really appropriate and adding to life, loving-kindness, and compassion? Am I doing right by those with whom I am relating? Is my imagination running away with me?
Am I a turkey? Not literally, but am I being made a fool of, due to my trusting and solitary nature? It is time to attempt to figure it out. If the expressions are authentic and if so, am I regressing into mistrust, am I also a fool? It is said, “if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is”. “Probably”? Then there is a remote chance? Though very unlikely, what’s the worst that could happen, they are really only hurting themselves.
And if it is true and strong, this reflection in no way could hinder or harm that which will last. At least as long as things do in this place we call home for now. So I will seek stillness, even in motion, silence even in comotion and will be better for it as I emerge on the other side.
“A person who cares nothing for praise or blame knows great inward peace….Praise does not make you holier than you are, nor blame more wicked. You are exactly what you are, and cannot ever be any better or worse than that, in the eyes of God. Attend to what is really within you, then, and you will not care what others say of you. People look at externals, but God looks at the heart. They weigh actions; God knows your intent….To feel no need of human support and assurance is a mark of inward confidence – of those who truly walk with God in their hearts.”- Thomas À Kempis
I know it is nearly impossible to imagine, however, it’s like another quote I like to refer to “It’s better to aim for the stars and land on the moon than to aim for a mud puddle and hit it.”
Wishing all a blessed day and that your’s shall be just as it should.
The lamps are different,
But the Light is the same.
So many garish lamps in the dying brain’s lamp-show,
Forget about them.
Concentrate on the essence, concentrate on the Light.
In lucid bliss, calmly smoking off its own holy fire,
The Light streams towards you from all things,
All people, all possible permutations of good, evil, thought, passion.
The lamps are different,
but the Light is the same.
One matter, one energy, one Light, one Light-mind,
Endlessly emanating all things.
One turning and burning diamond,
One, one, one.
Ground yourself, strip yourself down,
To blind loving silence.
Stay there, until you see
You are gazing at the Light
With its own ageless eyes.
I have acknowledged my error in perception, forgiven the “perpetrator”, asked forgiveness and expressed an interest in making up for the infraction. My question is now what?
Well for starters, I can return to what is. That which is available right now always has been and always will be. I have to admit though it is not as easy as it might sound. My mind (Ego) keeps thinking and restlessness ensues. Constantly searching for the next big thing, a thrill, some form of satisfaction from out there, all the while, “it’s an Inside Job”
Bringing my attention back to my body and where and when I am. It’s like a broken or scratched record. To break the habit of dwelling in my thoughts and the particular appetites that I want to feed, in lieu of residing in my being.
Recognize and acknowledge what I am grateful for.
Let those who matter, know that I appreciate them, no matter what I think they think.
Be quiet and still for my own benefit. “put the oxygen mask on first, before helping others with theirs”
Praise and thank God for all the blessings, strength and forgiveness He has given.
Go in Peace
This is another repeat track but is so relevant, from the album title and song to the music Thank you, I will always love you
Time’s tailor has never made a robe for anyone
Without then slashing it to pieces.
See how the million fools of this world
Pay Satan heaps of gold for pain!
Don’t stretch out your legs on this earth-carpet,
It is a borrowed bed; fear that day
His messengers come to roll it up forever.
How can you go on gazing at the body’s dust?
Search out the Horseman of the Soul!
Train your vision with passion and longing,
And see the Horseman at the heart of this dust-storm!
I often eavesdrop to random voices roaming in the air. Some leave bruises on my eyelids due to the frequent wiping of tears. They have a saddening picture. Others stimulate endless smiles. Some would like to remain unidentified. All in all, I love to narrate stories of the sad, happy and mysterious voices.