Do not Dwell therefore!

Upon what you perceive as injustice, it was not inflicted on you. Nor suffer from projecting what will be, depending on how your are situated, it is overly fantastic or excruciatingly painful.

man in green coat figure standing in front of yellow toy bus
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Now you have the choice to gather from where your inspiration is derived. Cast aside and forgive, make a clean break. For what you do Now will create an entirely more perfect or disastrous future. You decide, no one else does unless you allow it

woman stands on mountain over field under cloudy sky at sunrise
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Go! do! be!

Refine to Purity

Mad desire for Desire and the Water of Life makes Love inflame
A thousand thousand fires and furnaces every second.

Rumi

Bumble.PNG

As my intention to serve G_d’s creatures and therefore Him grows. I am set upon a path of improving myself. Through trial and error, sorrow and joy, madness and serenity.

To experience fully and actively all that this existence offers. I hope for the days when at ultimate peace praising Him that I want of nothing more than to please my Beloved.

burning campfire
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As awareness sharpens and failures and faults are exposed, I volunteer to enter the Refining Furnace of Love,  and that all the slag rises and is discarded leaving the purest of Love a human is capable of giving.

Burn Baby Burn

Thank you, but I want this

Alas, here I am again, in anguish, insisting that I have things the way I would prefer. I even have the audacity to say this encounter has been blessed, that God approves of me choosing to seek divine Love from unreliable sources.

I do believe in a blessed human love, though I wonder why I’m consistently ignoring what is constantly right there. Perfect understanding, knowledge of all my weakness and limitless care for my well being.

Gods cloud

Why must I hunger for something so elusive and prone to typical human frailty? The more it escapes my grasp, the more I crave. Am I addicted to such self-abuse? Evidently, as sad as that is to admit, I must increase my effort to realize His Love for me and to integrate the truth that, that is enough. From there I will begin to love myself enough to abstain from one-sided affairs.

That is all thanks for stopping by

Let’s get Ugly

You see I find it too easy to appreciate the obvious reasons to enjoy your company. You’re beautiful in appearance. You’re complimentary to my ego. All very soothing and delightful to experience. What I’m most interested in and perhaps morbidly attracted to are the less appealing aspects of your personality.

Ug4

This may all sound rather confusing and “what are you talking about?” Well, let’s just say as hard as you try to conceal these traits from me, I discover them. I’ll tell you how. I am interested, therefore I am paying attention. “Love is the quality of attention we pay to things.” J.D. McClatchy on the Contrast and Complementarity of Desire and Love I find it

Ug5

I recognize myself in those “ugly” characteristics. If I feel like a piece of shit because I treat people I care for poorly, one would think, I could just stop doing that. Woah, not so fast, taking and getting feel really good and I don’t know how to stop. I am however left feeling hungry and worse than I did when I was contorting myself to appeal to your liking, or what I perceived that to be. Always looking for and finding those that admire my acrobatics for a time until they find I’m shvindl, a fraud a fake. And they would be correct. I am empathetic to these acts of self-hatred. I love that about you.

Ug2

So what are we to do? I seemingly have no control over what I am enamored with for the time being. The only course now is how may we help each other. Surely trying to do this by myself will be a disaster. G_d will help and ultimately is the only source of Love that can remove these cravings and show me the way to divine generosity, by His example. No matter how much I pray for it, He will not just do it. I have to show some initiative. Start giving, helping without my saying to myself hey look at me I’m good. I must do it in praise and gratitude for His Love and Forgiveness of me.

May your day be as it should

Vapor_Sage

What I Want

And to be perfectly honest with you, I haven’t the slightest idea. Sounds crazy right? Perhaps not so. I know I am dedicated to a life of service. I love to help. I am more likely to consider the wants and needs of others before my own. I consider this to be quite selfish really, a more refined form of selfishness, in the words of Anthony de Mello, selfish none the less.

monarch

My point is I really don’t know what I want. I have no interest in the societal convention of success. I have way more than I need, given a certain perspective of what most in this world survive on. I am writing this particular piece in hopes of fleshing out the desired outcome of this perfectly flawed human’s existence. As with all who have found a voice for themselves in the creative act of writing, I would love to be recognized as a competent author with a message of hope for humanity. A lofty aspiration, I know, it requires a great deal of tenacity, perseverance, and luck to be discovered, by those that can bring that dream to fruition. But that’ not all.

purple

I truly want a deeply meaningful, loving relationship with a woman that shares my values and will tolerate my peculiarities, human frailties, and appetites. As I consider this one, I’m reminded of when I was a young buck of 18 hanging out around a gas station in Newport Beach, people would stop in for directions and we, my friends and I, would get a kick out of telling them, “you can’t get there from here.” Or so it seems.

bouquet bunch of flowers flowers holding
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I trust and have faith that my Creator has a plan and it is better than I can now imagine. Our souls know each other, I may even know them in this realm, I may even be engaged in some interaction now, the future is murky, the magic 8 ball says, try again later.

I want to be grateful for and share what I have been so graciously given. Even if that is all, it is enough and that’s quite a lot. Would It be okay if I wanted a little more? Or am I being greedy?

lavender

More will be revealed, that much I know for sure.

In Mr. Wayfarer’s dwelling unit.

A challenge from an admired author and one I consider an instructor in my endeavor to be better

https://fitfulfearfulphantasmal.wordpress.com/2018/07/24/in-mr-habtes-apartment-also-see-the-writers-challenge-after-this-story/

with your permission I’ve adopted your format

In Mr. Wayfarer’s dwelling unit

list of refuse found in Mr. Wayfarer’s trash

trash

1. antiquated notions of self doubt and anxiety about how he’s perceived
2. insistence that he be right
3. seeking immediate gratification
4. snap judgment
5. failure to recognize and embrace alternatives views about himself and others

list of items in Mr. Wayfarer’s toolbox

toolbox

1. impartial observation of himself
2. devotion of time dedicated to silence in solitude
3. reverence for something indescribable beyond himself
4. awareness of the violence and beauty of nature
5. attention to the dwelling of his soul, while serving his sentence here, and taking good care of it

list of items in Mr. Wayfarer’s closet

closet

1. deviant voyeuristic appetite and tendencies
2. classic liberal political preference
3. a shelf with items previously discarded, but saved for possible emergencies
4. revulsion to obvious deceit that cannot be admitted
5. self deception

 

So it goes…and goes…

Greetings friends and reading enthusiasts. I am at the crux of, order out of chaos or vice versa and have no wish to discern which. The following are a couple passages from recent reading that have struck me as profound, though why is still a mystery.

and goes

The hidden life of love, in its most inward depths, is unfathomable and still has a boundless relationship with the whole of existence. as the quiet lake is fed by the flow of hidden springs, which no eyes see, so a human being’s love is grounded in God’s love.

Soren Kierkegaard Provocations

distorted

Revelation induces complete but temporary suspension of doubt and fear. It reflects the original form of communication between God and his creations, involving the extremely personal sense of creation sometimes sought in physical relationships. Physical closeness cannot achieve it.

ACIM II. Revelation, Time and Miracles

Borius

Fantasy is a distorted form of vision. Fantasies of any kind are distortions because they always involve twisting perception into unreality. Actions that stem from distortions are literally the reactions of those who know not what they do. Fantasy is an attempt to control reality according to false needs. Twist reality in any way and you are perceiving destructively. Fantasies are a way of making false associations and attempting to obtain pleasure from them.

ACIM VII. Distortions of Miracle Impulses

The Enemy

So there you have it, take from it what you will and have a day that you create.

I love you.

Jeff