Preoccupied

I wouldn’t mind having a conversation with this innocent fellow.

Have you ever been stricken with a sudden drastic change in appearance? One where you just want to avoid seeing or especially talking to people.  I had that happen to me last night. Eating my late night huge bowl of cereal. When I realize my front tooth was detached from where it belongs.

I have been what I like to refer to as an ideal dental patient. It is however expensive to keep up for me. Turns out a filling failed and lead to the whole thing coming apart. Oh well, I’ll get back to the dentist.

My point here is I was consumed all day with, thinking about it. What shall I do if I encounter anyone? I’ll just get my work done and hide out until I can get the damn thing fixed. I was forgetful, inattentive, distracted, my whole day was like I was not of this earth.

I found though, that I was more aware of myself and actually enjoyed my work day tremendously. I slowed down and noticed how much smoother my day went than the previous day.

star
Star

This has definitely been a wake-up call to take care of things I’ve been putting off. I just want to keep working and taking care of my customers, and I can wait until more convenient time to get these things attended to. NOT!

lilly
What color would you call that?

Well, I’ll be hiding out until I can get my tooth/teeth taken care of. Have a great weekend!

I love my American Girl!

 

Maturity

In light of the disastrous nature of discourse in the headlines, I am struck with the poignancy of Thomas Merton’s words in this excerpt from No Man Is an Island written in 1955

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“I cannot make good choices unless I develop a mature and prudent conscience that gives me an accurate account of my motives, my intentions, and my moral acts. The word to be stressed here is mature. An infant, not having a conscience, is guided in its “decisions” by the attitude of somebody else. The immature conscience is one that bases its judgments partly, or even entirely, on the way other people seem to be disposed toward its decisions. The good is what is admired or accepted by the people it lives with. The evil is what irritates or upsets them. Even when the immature conscience is not entirely dominated by people outside itself, it nevertheless acts only as a representative of some other conscience. The immature conscience is not its own master. It is merely the delegate of the conscience of another person, or of a group, or of a party, or of a social class, or of a nation, or of a race. Therefore, it does not make real moral decisions of its own, it simply parrots the decisions of others. It does not make judgments of its own, it merely “conforms” to the party line. It does not really have motives or intentions of its own. Or if it does, it wrecks them by twisting and rationalizing them to fit the intentions of another. That is not moral freedom. It makes true love impossible. For if I am to love truly and freely, I must be able to give something that is truly my own to another. If my heart does not first belong to me, how can I give it to another? It is not mine to give.”

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Pelican

Woah, just woah! Have I some growing up to do. Just a bit of nutrition I am consuming.

A Paradox

“Unselfish love that is poured out upon a selfish object does not bring perfect happiness: not because love requires a return or a reward for loving, but because it rests in the happiness of the beloved. And if the loved one receives love selfishly, the lover is not satisfied. He sees that his love has failed to make the beloved happy. It has not awakened his/her capacity for unselfish love.

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Red and Yellow

Hence the paradox that unselfish love cannot rest perfectly except in a love that is perfectly reciprocated: because it knows that the only true peace is found in selfless love. Selfless love consents to be loved selflessly for the sake of the beloved. In so doing, it perfects itself.

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wild yellow

The gift of love is the gift of power and the capacity to love, and therefore, to give love with full effect is also to receive it. So, love can only be given perfectly when it is also received.” Thomas Merton No Man Is an Island

Somehow I have intuitively known or felt this “truth” as Thomas Merton describes. I continually “fall on my sword” in relationship and expend good love after bad. I am helplessly attracted to women who are emotionally or physically unavailable. It is safer I guess.

 

 

 

 

 

Justice

We I’m here, writing again about principles that I work toward living by. Today I am writing about justice, which is aligned with the 9th step. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

For me though, the step is taking direct action out of love for my one self. I have done a great deal of harm toward others by acts of commission and omission. And in doing so damaged my spirit, my being, this damage led to a pain of the sort that compelled me to continue using. At this stage of working through the 12 steps, I have gained a better knowledge of myself and my frailties. I have also become more sensitive to the effects of my behavior on myself and others.

I must do what I can too, to start healing myself. If I delay, I will endure discomfort and continue to crave relief, leading to all kinds of odd self-seeking self-gratifying and potentially harmful knucklehead activities. I must reach out to those I have affected and offer to make things right. No apologies, I merely acknowledge the infraction and the desire to make it right.

The Promises

This excerpt from The Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous is often recited at meetings and they have all come true for me.

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us–sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

That is all

 

pink
On the job finding beauty

I’ve been Busy

I’ll soon be back to my tour through the principles I have aspired to incorporate into my being. In the meantime, I have been moving getting settled and working. I do landscape maintenance, which I am loving for a number of reasons. Number one on the list is that it’s outside. Two it is service oriented and the sights.

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in a pond on the job

Being out among God’s creatures brings joy

I am very active and where most pay for gym membership, I get paid for my daily exercise. There are some frustrations though. Customers that think their lawn is less than 4″ when I can cut 40% off and it is still taller than 4″. People that try to get something on the cheap can never be satisfied.

grass
less than 4″?

All in life is great The new place is awesome laundry in the unit all amenities included, gas/electric, cable, and internet. Shopping and eating out within walking distance and a beautiful historic neighborhood. I will be continuing soon with principles. Thank all of you for following