A mirage of sorts, though it can’t be seen or even concretely described. I know it, feel it and can almost taste it. When I can capture it and possess it for my own, I will finally feel relieved of this wretched craving. Therein lies my affliction. Reliance on created things for solace.
As soon as the slightest acknowledgment of my existence is perceived the twinge of hunger evolves into an insatiable need. It must fill me up. I know well the error of my ways. I consistently regularly want what I ultimately can never have. As much as I chase cajole attempt to persuade bribe or buy and as close as I think I might be to quelling this thirst the object of my desire vanishes, evaporates turns to dust, or realizes the futility of my endeavor and erects a barricade of silence which I dare not penetrate.
I correctly assign the blame squarely where it belongs, right here with me. Things money, status, the adulation and “love” from beings will always disappoint and it’s not their fault. I have established an impossible feat for them to achieve. Being highly sensitive the initial sensation that touches is exhilarating and is what leads me to abandon any sense I might have ever had.
The solution though is readily available and inexhaustible. It is of course “The Source” God, Abba, Yahweh, Allah, it is the same in whatever language, culture, the religion where the gift of your faith abides. It is our essence It is eternal. I must only stop, thinking, doing, striving, and most of all grasping, wishing to possess. That is all “the world” The eternal is within me and around me, apart of me and I a part of it.
As long as I continue to “use” the urges will never subside and the onset of withdrawal starts as soon as I try to quit. Resistance is futile and surrender is the highest and best option. I don’t want to, and so it goes.
Please Help Me, I am nothing without You
May your day be as it should.