Sensitivity

This composition was inspired by a post on Sacred Touches  https://sacredtouches.com/2017/06/13/when-inward-tenderness/

When our natural sensitivity, coupled with silence and awareness. A deep sorrow is revealed. I summon the courage, strength and mercy from the infinite to face this otherwise unbearable pain.

Just as in the quantum realm the activity, behavior, and result is altered by observation. I have discovered something to be embraced, not to escape from. I feel the discomfort fully, without having to know the details of the reason.

A light and warmth exude from the cold abyss, a new depth of compassion is realized and integrated

 

 

Please and Thank You

I feel so lucky to be able to embrace, wholeheartedly, the idea that I can improve my conscious contact with God. I acknowledge that many face seemingly insurmountable obstacles when even considering this. It started with the barest beginnings with me. Saying Please when I wake and Thank you as I lay down to end my day.

I am, in this piece, divulging my experience with spirituality. This is the principle behind AAs 11th step- Sought, through prayer and meditation, to improve our conscious contact with God As we understood Him, Praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 

There are a couple posts where I have talked/written about my faith both are here one within the other if you’re curious  https://wtfaiblog.wordpress.com/2017/04/15/what-is-easter-to-you/

stages
life cycle

I find it impossible to describe what or who my God is. I ascribe to the idea that God is incomprehensible to the human mind. In addition, that the greatest obstacle to finding God is the word, God. In my endeavor to get and stay clean and sober, I devoured all sorts of spiritual and religious texts. We here in the U.S.,  how each of us is exposed to God is one of family tradition. Neither my mother or father was outwardly religious, from what I can remember. I consider that a blessing, I had not been, “indoctrinated”, in any one flavor of Christianity. I, to this day, could not tell you the difference between a Baptist to a Lutheran and don’t think it matters. My encounter with God is personal and unique to myself. I have no right to say what is right for you.

I do believe though it is important to exhibit (be) an example of the change that God/Christ has made in my life, however failingly.

wild
Growing Wild

There is a source of Grace, Mercy, Strength, and Love available to any and all who find a reason to seek for any of those. It is unlimited and infinite. I have found it is also not possible to ever stop getting closer to this source. Call what you will, if any who care to, can stop and be still for even a moment, will find it is there and always will be.

peoney wet
touched by the rain

Like the fragrance of a flower, the warmth of the sun, the refreshment of a summer rain, God is in me and I am in Him. Spirituality is the cornerstone/keystone of my life today. As best as I am able I am in a constant state of prayer/meditation/mindfulness. If I get caught up in my natural frailties, inevitably something brings me back, a bug hitting my windshield,  a bird in flight, the breeze on a hot day, the smile of a stranger, the beauty of a piece of music or the way lyrics of a song touch. Events such as these will help me remember what I’m here for. To be of service, more in my next installment.

 

A Paradox

“Unselfish love that is poured out upon a selfish object does not bring perfect happiness: not because love requires a return or a reward for loving, but because it rests in the happiness of the beloved. And if the loved one receives love selfishly, the lover is not satisfied. He sees that his love has failed to make the beloved happy. It has not awakened his/her capacity for unselfish love.

r and y
Red and Yellow

Hence the paradox that unselfish love cannot rest perfectly except in a love that is perfectly reciprocated: because it knows that the only true peace is found in selfless love. Selfless love consents to be loved selflessly for the sake of the beloved. In so doing, it perfects itself.

wild yellow
wild yellow

The gift of love is the gift of power and the capacity to love, and therefore, to give love with full effect is also to receive it. So, love can only be given perfectly when it is also received.” Thomas Merton No Man Is an Island

Somehow I have intuitively known or felt this “truth” as Thomas Merton describes. I continually “fall on my sword” in relationship and expend good love after bad. I am helplessly attracted to women who are emotionally or physically unavailable. It is safer I guess.

 

 

 

 

 

She will be missed

It is a sad day, that we knew would come too soon. Stella aka Peep suffered from renal dysplasia. She only had less than 25% kidney function.

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you looking at me?

She was in a litter of 10 from a bitch rescued from Standing Rock Reservation

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First day at MSP off leash dog park

I’ll miss her. She was a good companion

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Christmas 2016

Please be the person your dog thinks you are

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Rawr

I’m in a state of shock and can’t sleep

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In Camo at the dog park
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Looking Pretty after a spa day with the groomer
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in her element, she loved the water and chasing birds

Goodbye Peep

Liebster Award

I have been nominated for the Liebster Award. yay!

Thank you PurposeDrivenLife for the nomination

The rules of this award:

1. Acknowledge the blog who nominated you and display the award.
2. Answer the 11 questions the blogger gives you.
3. Give 11 random facts about yourself.
4. Nominate 11 blogs.
5. Notify those blogs of the nomination.
6. Give them 11 questions to answer

Answers to questions asked

1. People invest time and energy into developing their career, their bodies and their relationships, but often neglect their spiritual dimension of their lives.How do you actively pursue spiritual growth?

My blog is essentially the answer to this. I operate a simple service oriented business. I pray meditate and read scripture and hang with like minded humans.

2. What is your concept of God? Do you view Him positively or negatively?

God is impossible to describe conceptually. The greatest obstacle to finding God is the word, God. I view God positively.

3. How do you deal with people in your life that you don’t like?

I don’t, lols I do my best to treat them with loving kindness at best and ignore them at worst.

4. What are you most afraid of?

That people would find out what I’m really like, a wretched frightened lying thief, doing my best to maintain a facade of living a decent human existence. (only partially true)

5. What makes you smile?

Watching Canada Geese stop traffic on a busy boulevard.

6. What’s is your main reason why you write or blog?

I began as a place to express myself in a journal of sorts detailing my journey. I hope now though, that my writing of my experience might help others.

7. Do you believe in love at first sight?

My current views of real love would make that impossible. It takes more than sight.

8. What inspires you?

Nature in all of its violence and beauty

9. What is your motivation in relationships, pleasing yourself or serving others?

The happiness of my beloved. There is no other way.

10. How you spend your free time?

Reading, writing, riding my bike, continuing to get stuff put away from moving.

11. What does your perfect day look like?

It’s happening right now

Great questions.

Facts about me

  1. I’ll be 58 Next Friday
  2. I’m divorced with 2 daughters (not living with me) 14, and 10 years old
  3. I’ve only always just ended up doing what seemed the next thing to do professionally. Factory worker, Busboy/Bellman, Waiter, Navy deckhand, Ranch hand, Waiter, Cook, Culinary student, Chef, Baker, Pastry Chef, Property Appraiser, Unemployed, Construction Project Manager (Roofing) Property manager, Handyman. Self Employed Landscape maintenance.
  4. The opposite of risk averse.
  5. Covered with body hair except for my head, I’m nearly bald.
  6. I’m 5’8″ tall size 11 1/2 shoe, 32″ waist, 32″ inseam, 16 1/2″ x 32 Shirt
  7. Shorts, tropical shirt and topsiders are my preferred uniform.
  8. I have well over 50 tropical shirts, Reyn Spooner, Tommy Bahama and others
  9. I’m beginning to find this difficult.
  10. I love and live to serve God and others.
  11. I found that mildly annoying…Just kidding.

 

Please forgive me as I do not respond well to recognition. I would like to think that it is humility, but is likely shame oriented. I don’t feel I know enough about any of the bloggers I follow to hazard making any nominations. I felt I should play along to the extent that I did but that is all.

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Me in case you were wondering

 

 

Perseverence

On we go to the next in my series. Sound principles to live by. At this point, I’ll recap from where I’ve delved in this honorable endeavor. SurrenderHonesty,  Hope- Great, so Now What? , FaithCourage, Integrity- How does that lead to Integrity? , Willingness , Humility- Right Sized , Brotherly Love- Love , Justice and now Perseverance. This is the result of working Step 10 Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

At this point, my first time through, it was very important to consciously take time at the end of my day to consider interactions with others and in situations. I had plenty of help from my sponsor and people I admire if I had questions. If I have to ask, then there certainly was something to set straight. Again there are no more I’m sorries. I faced up and admitted what the infraction was and offer to make it right.

wild purple
Wildflowers pop up in the most unexpected places…In the middle of someone’s lawn.

There is great power in admission. Or I should say I keep my power when I admit. I am reminded of what I like to refer to the Hippopotamus syndrome. If someone says something untrue about me like You’re a hippopotamus, I’ likely to laugh, but if something true is stated about me and I thought I was being sly and keeping it to myself. I will get angry and defensive. I will argue and give up my power in what ensues. So I tend to just admit it even if it is not true. I can never comprehend other’s perception. I try to understand what they see and say it.

wild yellow
More wildness

We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” Alcoholics Anonymous. Doing this ongoing check is part of how I stay spiritually fit. There is much more to that in the next installment.

vilgilence
Consider the patience and vigilance until they find something to grab onto

Today, after 18 plus years I am much more sensitive and am quick to feel it when I wronged someone and done something I shouldn’t. I consider it miraculous.

Justice

We I’m here, writing again about principles that I work toward living by. Today I am writing about justice, which is aligned with the 9th step. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

For me though, the step is taking direct action out of love for my one self. I have done a great deal of harm toward others by acts of commission and omission. And in doing so damaged my spirit, my being, this damage led to a pain of the sort that compelled me to continue using. At this stage of working through the 12 steps, I have gained a better knowledge of myself and my frailties. I have also become more sensitive to the effects of my behavior on myself and others.

I must do what I can too, to start healing myself. If I delay, I will endure discomfort and continue to crave relief, leading to all kinds of odd self-seeking self-gratifying and potentially harmful knucklehead activities. I must reach out to those I have affected and offer to make things right. No apologies, I merely acknowledge the infraction and the desire to make it right.

The Promises

This excerpt from The Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous is often recited at meetings and they have all come true for me.

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us–sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

That is all

 

pink
On the job finding beauty