Greetings friends and reading enthusiasts. I am at the crux of, order out of chaos or vice versa and have no wish to discern which. The following are a couple passages from recent reading that have struck me as profound, though why is still a mystery.
The hidden life of love, in its most inward depths, is unfathomable and still has a boundless relationship with the whole of existence. as the quiet lake is fed by the flow of hidden springs, which no eyes see, so a human being’s love is grounded in God’s love.
Soren Kierkegaard Provocations
Revelation induces complete but temporary suspension of doubt and fear. It reflects the original form of communication between God and his creations, involving the extremely personal sense of creation sometimes sought in physical relationships. Physical closeness cannot achieve it.
ACIM II. Revelation, Time and Miracles
Fantasy is a distorted form of vision. Fantasies of any kind are distortions because they always involve twisting perception into unreality. Actions that stem from distortions are literally the reactions of those who know not what they do. Fantasy is an attempt to control reality according to false needs. Twist reality in any way and you are perceiving destructively. Fantasies are a way of making false associations and attempting to obtain pleasure from them.
ACIM VII. Distortions of Miracle Impulses
So there you have it, take from it what you will and have a day that you create.
So, are you not surprised that I might be taking a close look at myself in relationships? As well as in other aspects of my life. What is important? Is who I am relating to and how I am, really appropriate and adding to life, loving-kindness, and compassion? Am I doing right by those with whom I am relating? Is my imagination running away with me?
Am I a turkey? Not literally, but am I being made a fool of, due to my trusting and solitary nature? It is time to attempt to figure it out. If the expressions are authentic and if so, am I regressing into mistrust, am I also a fool? It is said, “if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is”. “Probably”? Then there is a remote chance? Though very unlikely, what’s the worst that could happen, they are really only hurting themselves.
And if it is true and strong, this reflection in no way could hinder or harm that which will last. At least as long as things do in this place we call home for now. So I will seek stillness, even in motion, silence even in comotion and will be better for it as I emerge on the other side.
To say Goodbye. The most intimate relationship of the human experience is the Mother/child. To experience the severance of that in the expiration of the physical body is in my humble experience, one of the greatest opportunities for personal growth, however, fraught with the full spectrum of emotion. Even with the benefit of advanced notice and preparation its’ impossible to anticipate how it will be responded to.
So now what? As I see and perceive the impact writing seems the natural thing to do. I can’t. Time to process and digest what has happened. The source that brought me into this world is gone now. I was her first. A celebration of her presence and impact will ensue, along with the tedious details that accompany the passing of loved ones.
It seems and everyone has said that she waited to let go until I arrived. Friday I arrived and came to her bed, clearly not comfortable she saw me and smiled and said “you made it”. My niece who has been giving care took leave to get some nourishment. I sat with her (Nana-Nancy), she wanted to go downstairs but could not move. I helped her to the edge of the bed where she attempted to stand several times and could not. There I held her and she fell asleep, which she had not done since 3 AM the morning before. It was then I accepted what was to come today.
Family and close friends were here over the weekend and paid their respects and we shared in camaraderie near the end. It was quite an occasion all day Saturday and night. She left us 1:50 Pacific time today. Remember those you care for and make sure they know you care. Goodbye Nana, I love you
And the sun rises, such is our term here in this realm. Everybody will, at some time face the inevitable demise of a parent’s physical body. I have embraced and befriended the end of the life of my body and the death of loved ones. I seem to have been plagued or blessed with a unique take. I’m not sorry or sad.
It has come time for my mother to take her turn at the end of this life. I will be fortunate to be able to see her and be of service to her as her body and capacity fails to continue.
I will celebrate her life and make sure she knows the unfathomable impact she has made on me and the world through me. Life goes on.
She has instilled in me a positive attitude. I see the beauty, the possibilities, the love and opportunity in nearly every situation. She gave that to me and I can only wish to pass it on to everyone I encounter. Especially to my children.
I am lucky to have healthy kids, it is also not lost on me that not everyone does and I’ll not take it for granted. I am the bow from which these are shot out into life to which they belong.
It’s also important to me to keep it light and maintain a sense of humor as The Mighty Jester is quite hilarious in His ways
would give them chocolate covered espresso beans lol
I will be traveling to see her at the end of this week, please don’t be sorry I am not
We cannot fear that which we do not know, we only fear to lose what we know. I’m not losing anything. she has given me so much that I can’t comprehend what might be lost except her temporary presence here. She will always be with me.
We need to share our struggles and triumphs with others and participate in theirs. Contact with fellow sufferers in this realm is imperative, without human contact we wither and fade away. I’m not suggesting that everyone needs the same amount by any means. It must be reciprocal though. I need to allow people to really know me, especially the worst of what I find in my observation of my self and my thinking. There is a great liberation in admitting to another your faults and listening to their feedback. When I admit the worst I can be I am free to act differently. That which we deny or fight is given power in our psyches. The result is any number of destructive behaviors.
My greatest enemy is myself alone with my fears. Which is, what I have come to learn, my resistance to what is and my consistent regret of the past and my stewing about the future. Now is where it’s at. There is no problem now, only opportunity. I can discern with assistance of others the appropriate responses to the needs at hand. The best option nearly always is getting out of my “Shit Stew” and find someone less fortunate than I that I can share what I have with. Helping others is the answer. I am provided for by the collective consciousness/God if you please. If I am generous with my attention life/the universe will manifest exactly what I need.
I have found that what I was afraid to tell others about myself led to admiration and connection not ridicule and avoidance. These people opened up their lives to me and we share in this glorious life here together.
I have acknowledged my error in perception, forgiven the “perpetrator”, asked forgiveness and expressed an interest in making up for the infraction. My question is now what?
Well for starters, I can return to what is. That which is available right now always has been and always will be. I have to admit though it is not as easy as it might sound. My mind (Ego) keeps thinking and restlessness ensues. Constantly searching for the next big thing, a thrill, some form of satisfaction from out there, all the while, “it’s an Inside Job”
Bringing my attention back to my body and where and when I am. It’s like a broken or scratched record. To break the habit of dwelling in my thoughts and the particular appetites that I want to feed, in lieu of residing in my being.
Recognize and acknowledge what I am grateful for.
Let those who matter, know that I appreciate them, no matter what I think they think.
Be quiet and still for my own benefit. “put the oxygen mask on first, before helping others with theirs”
Praise and thank God for all the blessings, strength and forgiveness He has given.
Go in Peace
This is another repeat track but is so relevant, from the album title and song to the music Thank you, I will always love you
Appropriate some time, if you please, to consider if you think it appropriate, for our “representatives’ to appropriate our earnings and the earnings of future generations to their perception of what is appropriate?
I say NO! But what of it? In my humble opinion, we are no longer represented. Those we have elected, at least in national offices have been placed into a system that has corrupted them to engage in keeping the status quo, placing the electorate in perpetual debt to the whims of the ruling class.
It is a bit disheartening, however, I personally am responding with, acceptance of what is. Our education system has failed us and those who would best be able to affect a change are more concerned about which side is to blame or to be congratulated than what is truly best for the whole.
I will appropriate time to discern who best to vote for in coming elections
attribution of the featured image, other images courtesy of Pexels