What’s going on in there?

Inside your head, thinking, beliefs and behaviors. This is a perpetual exercise for me so I continue growing. If you’re standing still everything else is passing you by, consequently losing ground. Do you want to be better, have more to contribute? Can you be honest about that? I say YES! Well, then a rigorous self-examination is in order.

muck

What is found there will be of use or is worthy of elimination through admission to one’s self, God and another. If you’ve made it this far, congratulations and thank you! I don’t suggest what anyone should do, I merely tell you what I do. Please continue.

soren-kierkegaard-watercolor-portrait-fabrizio-cassetta
Kierkegaard Painting – Soren Kierkegaard – Watercolor Portrait by Fabrizio Cassetta

“Repentance must not only have its time but also its time of preparation. And herein lies the need of confession, the holy act that ought to be preceded by preparation. Just as a person changes his/her clothes for a celebration, so a person preparing for confession is inwardly changed. But if in the hour of one has not truly made up his/her mind (decision) he/she is still only distracted. He/she only see his/her faults with half an eye. When he/she talks it’s just talk-not a true confession. The all-knowing One does not get to know something about those who confess, rather those who confess find out something about themselves.” Soren Kierkegaard Provocations.

the unexamined life

So this sort of thing seems to be a universal truth, few, however, are fortunate to have experienced enough pain to consider, trying something new/old as it were.

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What I aspire to…

“A person who cares nothing for praise or blame knows great inward peace….Praise does not make you holier than you are, nor blame more wicked. You are exactly what you are, and cannot ever be any better or worse than that, in the eyes of God. Attend to what is really within you, then, and you will not care what others say of you. People look at externals, but God looks at the heart. They weigh actions; God knows your intent….To feel no need of human support and assurance is a mark of inward confidence – of those who truly walk with God in their hearts.”- Thomas À Kempis

I know it is nearly impossible to imagine, however, it’s like another quote I like to refer to “It’s better to aim for the stars and land on the moon than to aim for a mud puddle and hit it.”

wild yellow
wild yellow

Wishing all a blessed day and that your’s shall be just as it should.

Refuse

ref·use1
rəˈfyo͞oz/
verb
verb: refuse; 3rd person present: refuses; past tense: refused; past participle: refused; gerund or present participle: refusing
  1. indicate or show that one is not willing to do something.
    no
ref·use2
ˈrefˌyo͞os/
  1. noun
    noun: refuse
    matter thrown away or rejected as worthless; trash.

    Trash awaits collection during a community trash collection event along the Santa Cruz River in Rio Rico

     

    I ❤ words

    images courtesy of the goog

     

     

     

Winners and losers

In the interest of being able to persuade others to their side and hopefully arrive at a majority, in the perceived interest of their constituents. A division is created. What if someone has a great idea for most if not everybody, except that this someone has the opposition’s party affiliation? It then becomes evil and the greatest atrocity ever imagined. Sadly it cuts both ways.

Be Peace

From my perspective and in action. I choose to attempt indifference to the insanity going on in our nation’s capital. My aim is to smile and to be at peace with myself. Be kind to, and understanding of those I encounter. Help when I am able, say no when I cannot. This I pray will ripple out from here and impact more than I am aware of.

Comming to grips with and accepting that no one does anything that is not motivated by self-interest is key to understanding the motivations of leaders and followers. We all desire to be on the winning side. But what if the people you follow are not being completely honest? They’re human and are self-interested, so I’ll just attend to what I have influence over, namely me.img_3788

With gratitude, generosity, and love. Peace be with you all and may God bless all you endeavor.

 

Demolition precedes Renovation

I am reflecting on this year. I started writing here about this time last year. My eyes and being have been subject to a wonderous eco-system of artists, entrepreneurs, visionaries and downright hilarious expressionists. All here to get out what can no longer be contained within.

Mine is a journey of ongoing and perpetual self-discovery and, hopefully, growth. None of which occur when things are going according to my particular sensitivities. I have found that before I have exhausted all of my self-determined solutions and am in complete despair I am unable to surrender.

inside
Demolition

Upon the occasion of surrender and acceptance of my inability to do anything of my self. That part of me must be demolished in order for a renovation to begin. Recovery does not take a linear path. There are pauses and serious faults found along the way where construction is halted, the architect is consulted and a diversion in the path is found suitable. The result, though is spectacular. An ever increasing gratitude and willingness to embrace the mystery of this mortal sentence is uncovered.

 

I am so blessed to be alive, willing and able to feel and express how lucky I am to be here. I wanted to be different than I was. I surrendered, asked for help performed the demolition, evaluated what was of any use, repaired the fractures in my relationships and am growing up.

Merry Christmas the wait is nearly over and All you have needed and will ever need is inside you right now. If only for the obstructions built by self-will. Ask for and accept help…Cry Out! Help is only too ready to assist.

The most valuable thing

It was slightly more than 20 years ago. A delightful summer afternoon, ironically this memory includes me mowing the lawn. Ironic because I because I mow lawns for a living in the summer. My friend John is walking by. I stop what I’m doing to visit. He tells me about a new type of treatment program that is solely based on the spiritual principles found in the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous.  At this point, having a little more than 2 years of continuous sobriety/clean time. I thought, boy I sure wish I could go there.

Well little did I know at that time, what the mighty Jester of the Cosmos had written in the book of my life. On November 16th, 1998 I entered the program at The Retreat.

The first thing that hit me was, during a Big Book study with Roger B. He says. “I hope you’re DONE and not just here to take a break.” Woah, just woah. Yes, I’m so done. The next thing was again Roger B. “Are you willing to believe in the possibility?” That a Higher Power could restore me to sanity. Yes! That would be the beginning of an intention to improve my conscious contact with God “as I understand God” which is impossible to comprehend. The basis of which is how I am willing to carry on without chemicals.

Fast forward to today. I have discovered the enlightened self-interest of, and the key to staying sober is helping others to recover. Wait, how can I help? What do I have to offer? Well as it turns out I have my experience. Which through sharing that, I am able to stay in recovery from addiction. I have found something else even more valuable than my experience. It is worth more than any material or financial commodity. It costs nothing but requires an immense amount of energy if offered with intention.

The most valuable thing is My Attention

Giving freely of my attention is the most generous thing I can do. With attention I discover understanding and that is what I get in return.

Vindictive

chinese_symbols_for_vindictive_8935_2_22
Chinese symbols for vindictive

I can no longer endure the psychic pain of resentment. I must be rid of it as soon as it becomes evident in my thought. “resentment is like me taking poison and hoping someone else dies”. -Unknown

 

To be rid of it

  1. Consider the person, place, thing or situation.
  2. What happened
  3. Consider how this affects me and other relationships
  4. Where had I been selfish, dishonest, inconsiderate? Where if any had I hurt them. Did I arouse issues?

I write this down if possible, there is a certain magic in writing with pen/pencil and paper and holding it in my hands to be relieved of this discomfort.

I will then take time, to wish them loving kindness, that they will be relieved of suffering and the root of it.

I can now carry on my way, shedding my qualms like a loose garment.

images from Google images