Thank you, but I want this

Alas, here I am again, in anguish, insisting that I have things the way I would prefer. I even have the audacity to say this encounter has been blessed, that God approves of me choosing to seek divine Love from unreliable sources.

I do believe in a blessed human love, though I wonder why I’m consistently ignoring what is constantly right there. Perfect understanding, knowledge of all my weakness and limitless care for my well being.

Gods cloud

Why must I hunger for something so elusive and prone to typical human frailty? The more it escapes my grasp, the more I crave. Am I addicted to such self-abuse? Evidently, as sad as that is to admit, I must increase my effort to realize His Love for me and to integrate the truth that, that is enough. From there I will begin to love myself enough to abstain from one-sided affairs.

That is all thanks for stopping by

In Mr. Wayfarer’s dwelling unit.

A challenge from an admired author and one I consider an instructor in my endeavor to be better

https://fitfulfearfulphantasmal.wordpress.com/2018/07/24/in-mr-habtes-apartment-also-see-the-writers-challenge-after-this-story/

with your permission I’ve adopted your format

In Mr. Wayfarer’s dwelling unit

list of refuse found in Mr. Wayfarer’s trash

trash

1. antiquated notions of self doubt and anxiety about how he’s perceived
2. insistence that he be right
3. seeking immediate gratification
4. snap judgment
5. failure to recognize and embrace alternatives views about himself and others

list of items in Mr. Wayfarer’s toolbox

toolbox

1. impartial observation of himself
2. devotion of time dedicated to silence in solitude
3. reverence for something indescribable beyond himself
4. awareness of the violence and beauty of nature
5. attention to the dwelling of his soul, while serving his sentence here, and taking good care of it

list of items in Mr. Wayfarer’s closet

closet

1. deviant voyeuristic appetite and tendencies
2. classic liberal political preference
3. a shelf with items previously discarded, but saved for possible emergencies
4. revulsion to obvious deceit that cannot be admitted
5. self deception

 

What’s going on in there?

Inside your head, thinking, beliefs and behaviors. This is a perpetual exercise for me so I continue growing. If you’re standing still everything else is passing you by, consequently losing ground. Do you want to be better, have more to contribute? Can you be honest about that? I say YES! Well, then a rigorous self-examination is in order.

muck

What is found there will be of use or is worthy of elimination through admission to one’s self, God and another. If you’ve made it this far, congratulations and thank you! I don’t suggest what anyone should do, I merely tell you what I do. Please continue.

soren-kierkegaard-watercolor-portrait-fabrizio-cassetta
Kierkegaard Painting – Soren Kierkegaard – Watercolor Portrait by Fabrizio Cassetta

“Repentance must not only have its time but also its time of preparation. And herein lies the need of confession, the holy act that ought to be preceded by preparation. Just as a person changes his/her clothes for a celebration, so a person preparing for confession is inwardly changed. But if in the hour of one has not truly made up his/her mind (decision) he/she is still only distracted. He/she only see his/her faults with half an eye. When he/she talks it’s just talk-not a true confession. The all-knowing One does not get to know something about those who confess, rather those who confess find out something about themselves.” Soren Kierkegaard Provocations.

the unexamined life

So this sort of thing seems to be a universal truth, few, however, are fortunate to have experienced enough pain to consider, trying something new/old as it were.

What I aspire to…

“A person who cares nothing for praise or blame knows great inward peace….Praise does not make you holier than you are, nor blame more wicked. You are exactly what you are, and cannot ever be any better or worse than that, in the eyes of God. Attend to what is really within you, then, and you will not care what others say of you. People look at externals, but God looks at the heart. They weigh actions; God knows your intent….To feel no need of human support and assurance is a mark of inward confidence – of those who truly walk with God in their hearts.”- Thomas À Kempis

I know it is nearly impossible to imagine, however, it’s like another quote I like to refer to “It’s better to aim for the stars and land on the moon than to aim for a mud puddle and hit it.”

wild yellow
wild yellow

Wishing all a blessed day and that your’s shall be just as it should.

Refuse

ref·use1
rəˈfyo͞oz/
verb
verb: refuse; 3rd person present: refuses; past tense: refused; past participle: refused; gerund or present participle: refusing
  1. indicate or show that one is not willing to do something.
    no
ref·use2
ˈrefˌyo͞os/
  1. noun
    noun: refuse
    matter thrown away or rejected as worthless; trash.

    Trash awaits collection during a community trash collection event along the Santa Cruz River in Rio Rico

     

    I ❤ words

    images courtesy of the goog

     

     

     

Winners and losers

In the interest of being able to persuade others to their side and hopefully arrive at a majority, in the perceived interest of their constituents. A division is created. What if someone has a great idea for most if not everybody, except that this someone has the opposition’s party affiliation? It then becomes evil and the greatest atrocity ever imagined. Sadly it cuts both ways.

Be Peace

From my perspective and in action. I choose to attempt indifference to the insanity going on in our nation’s capital. My aim is to smile and to be at peace with myself. Be kind to, and understanding of those I encounter. Help when I am able, say no when I cannot. This I pray will ripple out from here and impact more than I am aware of.

Comming to grips with and accepting that no one does anything that is not motivated by self-interest is key to understanding the motivations of leaders and followers. We all desire to be on the winning side. But what if the people you follow are not being completely honest? They’re human and are self-interested, so I’ll just attend to what I have influence over, namely me.img_3788

With gratitude, generosity, and love. Peace be with you all and may God bless all you endeavor.

 

Demolition precedes Renovation

I am reflecting on this year. I started writing here about this time last year. My eyes and being have been subject to a wonderous eco-system of artists, entrepreneurs, visionaries and downright hilarious expressionists. All here to get out what can no longer be contained within.

Mine is a journey of ongoing and perpetual self-discovery and, hopefully, growth. None of which occur when things are going according to my particular sensitivities. I have found that before I have exhausted all of my self-determined solutions and am in complete despair I am unable to surrender.

inside
Demolition

Upon the occasion of surrender and acceptance of my inability to do anything of my self. That part of me must be demolished in order for a renovation to begin. Recovery does not take a linear path. There are pauses and serious faults found along the way where construction is halted, the architect is consulted and a diversion in the path is found suitable. The result, though is spectacular. An ever increasing gratitude and willingness to embrace the mystery of this mortal sentence is uncovered.

 

I am so blessed to be alive, willing and able to feel and express how lucky I am to be here. I wanted to be different than I was. I surrendered, asked for help performed the demolition, evaluated what was of any use, repaired the fractures in my relationships and am growing up.

Merry Christmas the wait is nearly over and All you have needed and will ever need is inside you right now. If only for the obstructions built by self-will. Ask for and accept help…Cry Out! Help is only too ready to assist.