How could I possibly be offended?

If I refuse to take offense. I must admit that I have little sympathy for the perpetually aggrieved. I have learned, in the most agonizing way that being angry, resentful, filled with hate and plagued with a vindictive heart, is tantamount to drinking poison and hoping the person I’m offended by dies.

purple liquid poison on brown wooden surface
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You see, from my experience, if I want to be truly free, I must allow others to be free. I have to be careful that I am actually thinking for myself and not swallowing and believing the words of hate-filled vindictive souls dead set on retribution that will never really come. The cycle of anger is a never-ending loop

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I’m angry, I want to get even, I do something to get even, It doesn’t work, I’m even angrier

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There is no such thing as justice, if there were, I’d be dead, but I’m not and what I’m left with is being in a state of awe and filled with gratitude feel a duty to help my fellow creatures here while I still am.

As messed up as it all seems and as terrible as you may think the source of your pain is, that pain was already there before that individual arrived in your consciousness, address that first then find someone you can help.

“Don’t look at me…

look at you. Until you find the divine within you will never see it in others. The divine is in us all.” But wait, I understand your skepticism. I too, have doubted and even mocked those who believe as I do now.

This story is a part of my pilgrimage of self discovery. The requisite despair that leads to surrender must be encountered and survived. I never could have without Papa’s hand on my shoulder and even at times He was carrying me like a baby in His arms.

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The tale is as old as story telling, you see there was this girl…need I say more? Oh? I will say a bit more she told me she loved me and as the story goes, I found it to be untrue

so what to do? some may like to drown in sorrow, I made a decision though and chose to seek within. I recommend not going alone, a journey into the unknown is scary, however, rewarding!

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Sunrise

What I found there was His love for me, which gave me an example, the courage and belief to love myself. Having found that inside, I see it everywhere and in everything. In fact I understand that to allow others to mistake my kindness for weakness is really only harmful to them so that will be arrested as soon as it’s discovered.

So I can forgive the atrocious acts of troubled, lonely, power-hungry souls who’ve lost their way. They merely think they’re winning in this realm of time and miss the opportunity to experience truth and love in the eternal

 

Thank you, but I want this

Alas, here I am again, in anguish, insisting that I have things the way I would prefer. I even have the audacity to say this encounter has been blessed, that God approves of me choosing to seek divine Love from unreliable sources.

I do believe in a blessed human love, though I wonder why I’m consistently ignoring what is constantly right there. Perfect understanding, knowledge of all my weakness and limitless care for my well being.

Gods cloud

Why must I hunger for something so elusive and prone to typical human frailty? The more it escapes my grasp, the more I crave. Am I addicted to such self-abuse? Evidently, as sad as that is to admit, I must increase my effort to realize His Love for me and to integrate the truth that, that is enough. From there I will begin to love myself enough to abstain from one-sided affairs.

That is all thanks for stopping by

What I Want

And to be perfectly honest with you, I haven’t the slightest idea. Sounds crazy right? Perhaps not so. I know I am dedicated to a life of service. I love to help. I am more likely to consider the wants and needs of others before my own. I consider this to be quite selfish really, a more refined form of selfishness, in the words of Anthony de Mello, selfish none the less.

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My point is I really don’t know what I want. I have no interest in the societal convention of success. I have way more than I need, given a certain perspective of what most in this world survive on. I am writing this particular piece in hopes of fleshing out the desired outcome of this perfectly flawed human’s existence. As with all who have found a voice for themselves in the creative act of writing, I would love to be recognized as a competent author with a message of hope for humanity. A lofty aspiration, I know, it requires a great deal of tenacity, perseverance, and luck to be discovered, by those that can bring that dream to fruition. But that’ not all.

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I truly want a deeply meaningful, loving relationship with a woman that shares my values and will tolerate my peculiarities, human frailties, and appetites. As I consider this one, I’m reminded of when I was a young buck of 18 hanging out around a gas station in Newport Beach, people would stop in for directions and we, my friends and I, would get a kick out of telling them, “you can’t get there from here.” Or so it seems.

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I trust and have faith that my Creator has a plan and it is better than I can now imagine. Our souls know each other, I may even know them in this realm, I may even be engaged in some interaction now, the future is murky, the magic 8 ball says, try again later.

I want to be grateful for and share what I have been so graciously given. Even if that is all, it is enough and that’s quite a lot. Would It be okay if I wanted a little more? Or am I being greedy?

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More will be revealed, that much I know for sure.

I Know a Secret

It is, however, not a secret. I don’t think it is widely known or cared for. The idea is from what I have read in various scripture and mystical writing is that it is as ancient as humanity itself. That idea is that we, all of us, are whole and perfect as we are at this moment.

I know what you must be thinking, no human is anywhere near perfect. We all have imperfections. I ask where is the standard? What was viewed as ideal 10, 20, 50, 100 or a thousand years, is far from what is considered ideal today.

Ideal

Not to mention the inherent self-doubt and critique of our natural frailties. In addition, there may be those, who like me, I have engaged in a host of abhorrent behavior and the psychological dumpster fire that ensues. I’m sure some would be fine with how they are if not for advertising and marketing campaigns depicting the ideal lifestyle and endless list of things that no self-respecting earth dweller can live without, of course, dependent upon locality these change dramatically.

dumpster fire

It is though, that very behavior and aftermath that led me to such despair that surrendering to and abiding by certain spiritual principles that have helped me to arrive at and discover the secret. The key for me was if I can’t be stimulated in some way and my seeming incessant craving for acknowledgment and approval, and the consequent nearly unbearable disappointment, that there must certainly be another way. And in fact, there is.

I am created perfectly by a creator that doesn’t make mistakes, though I’m sure many would argue that about many things until Yellowstone explodes again. My experience has been one that, I was led to embrace solitude and silence. I grew into an appreciation of the queues provided by nature.

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I am at one with all and all are in me. The perception of our flaws are just that, perceived. I am just the way I am supposed to be to assume the role I am destined to fill. Please take a moment and consider the possibility that this is true if you know it not already. May God bless you.

So it goes…and goes…

Greetings friends and reading enthusiasts. I am at the crux of, order out of chaos or vice versa and have no wish to discern which. The following are a couple passages from recent reading that have struck me as profound, though why is still a mystery.

and goes

The hidden life of love, in its most inward depths, is unfathomable and still has a boundless relationship with the whole of existence. as the quiet lake is fed by the flow of hidden springs, which no eyes see, so a human being’s love is grounded in God’s love.

Soren Kierkegaard Provocations

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Revelation induces complete but temporary suspension of doubt and fear. It reflects the original form of communication between God and his creations, involving the extremely personal sense of creation sometimes sought in physical relationships. Physical closeness cannot achieve it.

ACIM II. Revelation, Time and Miracles

Borius

Fantasy is a distorted form of vision. Fantasies of any kind are distortions because they always involve twisting perception into unreality. Actions that stem from distortions are literally the reactions of those who know not what they do. Fantasy is an attempt to control reality according to false needs. Twist reality in any way and you are perceiving destructively. Fantasies are a way of making false associations and attempting to obtain pleasure from them.

ACIM VII. Distortions of Miracle Impulses

The Enemy

So there you have it, take from it what you will and have a day that you create.

I love you.

Jeff

 

 

What am I doing?

So, are you not surprised that I might be taking a close look at myself in relationships? As well as in other aspects of my life. What is important? Is who I am relating to and how I am, really appropriate and adding to life, loving-kindness, and compassion? Am I doing right by those with whom I am relating? Is my imagination running away with me?

is this me

Am I a turkey? Not literally, but am I being made a fool of, due to my trusting and solitary nature? It is time to attempt to figure it out. If the expressions are authentic and if so, am I regressing into mistrust, am I also a fool? It is said, “if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is”. “Probably”? Then there is a remote chance? Though very unlikely, what’s the worst that could happen, they are really only hurting themselves.

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And if it is true and strong, this reflection in no way could hinder or harm that which will last. At least as long as things do in this place we call home for now. So I will seek stillness, even in motion, silence even in comotion and will be better for it as I emerge on the other side.

God Bless and I love you

What do you see

What do you see?