Mystery Blogger Award

Alas, I have been nominated for the Mystery Blogger Award. I will thank Emerging From The Dark Night for this. I would also like to thank the creator of the award, Okoto Enigma’s Blog

Rules

  1. Place award logo in post-I found one in Google images not sure if it’s original
  2. Name and link to creator of the award
  3. Thank and link to the blogger that nominated you.
  4. List the rules
  5. Tell readers three things about yourself
  6. Nominate 10-20 Bloggers. Notify by commenting on their blog
  7. Ask 5 question of your nominees
  8. Share link(s) to your best Post(s)

So Here we go! Three Things

  1. I am 68 1/2″ tall
  2. I walked 133,438 steps last week doing my job (self employed-Landscape Maintenance)
  3. I miss the ocean

Answers

Where do you feel most at home? I’m am working toward and getting better at, Right Here!

What lights you up inside? Helping people

What has been your deepest heartbreak? Not having the drive or initiative to do as good as I could growing up.

What do you feel is one of your strengths? Curiosity

What is your favorite way of relaxing? A great meal out with friend(s)

My Nominees

Find Your Middle Ground

RobertCDay

FitRecovery

Real Life As An MSW

My Valiant Soul

A Soft Place to Rest

Orbis Marketing

Mitch Teemley

Cory Melancon

J-Dub’s Grin and Bear It

Questions for you

Favorite Movie-Mine is The Sting

Favorite musical artist- Mine is Joe Satriani

Best meal out what did you have and who were you with- For me there are too many to remember

Favorite Vacation Destination- Mine is Kaanapali Maui

Goofy Question Favorite Cartoon Character Mine is Tazmainian Devil- Loony Tunes

Best posts

Oh boy, this is going to hurt.

The Longing

What even is that?

So there you have it…Voila

Mine

What of me is mine? This body flesh and all will be consumed by the earth

What of my soul? surely belongs to God and is not mine and never was.

My actions are derived from what’s there for me to do and what my wants include, from that I may be compensated to barter for shelter and sustenance.

My thoughts, too are formed from desires and needs.

Then the urge to share, through communication of my native language in written form, is a drive that I cannot take credit for.

An appetite for nutritious food for my soul, reading expertly expressed ideas and experiences, discoveries, conjectures, and conclusions. voice instead

The curious and miraculous rhythm of nature and all that I am able to grasp of that. Engaging in work and physical activity, for no reason than to experience that and do it well.

vilgilence
Consider the patience and vigilance until they find something to grab onto

None of it can I claim is mine or belonging to me. What of you is yours?

 

What am I afraid of?

To be honest with you, I can’t put my finger on it. I’m fairly level headed, open-minded I am committed to improving myself. I still can’t shake the idea that I’ll be found to be unappealing, odd what have you. I am petrified at the thought of putting myself out there and opening myself up for disappointment and ridicule.

I like who I have become. I want to be counted on, to be thought about and anticipated. Perhaps, I should give myself more time. I’m still afraid.

Hold On

And by Hold On I mean Let Go!, well loosen your grip just a little. Life sends us little messages in the form of how we feel or what we anticipate we’ll experience. If my experience is any indication, the more my ego is involved in the results, or if I have expectations about the desired outcome, the more self-centered fear plays its role in my emotional well-being, at the moment. In fact, I will have lost touch with now.

let go
Three things

Another aspect of experience came to light and it fits perfectly with how, when I do experience irritation or negative feelings. I allow myself to experience them fully and let them pass, instead of doing something to be rid of them. An amazingly talented writer intimated this perfectly in this piece   fitfulfearfulphantasmal.wordpress.com/…/hurry-up-and-hurt-me

This is how I view uncomfortable situations and feelings today. Let me have it because my pain is a gateway to growth and character.

 

Catalyst

Defined

Noun

A. (chemistry) a substance that initiates or accelerates a chemical reaction without itself being affected

B. something that causes an important event to happen

For purposes of this ramble, I am referring to definition B. I am reflecting on a particular event or series of circumstances that left me without any certainty. I found myself confused, almost distraught. I had believed that what someone had expressed to me was sincere and authentic. I remember specifically experiencing an intuitive thought, that this person is not what they insist they are. I’ll never know for sure as they are so deep into the charade that they believe the tales they’re telling. I knew though I was a goner.

Nothing is what it seems, solid stone turned to quicksand. Everything I reached out to hold, evaporated the moment I touched it. I was experiencing absolute anguish and despair. I had exhausted every natural remedy. I wanted something, anything to make it stop.

I miraculously was compelled by a source not of this earth to turn within. A degree of which had never been explored. By me anyway. Turned the devices off. I sat, lit candles and incense, and experienced absolute silence. Every spare moment of my, “me time”, after the kids went to bed. Was dedicated to delving deeper. I was determined to experience this completely.

WP_20130927_014 (2)

I found unconditional forgiveness, understanding and a love of myself and seemingly everyone I now encounter. I don’t do anything that is not motivated by self-interest. And neither does anybody else. If I can forgive myself for the worst I can be, because I’m human and develop another way to be. So can anybody, given the time and motivating set of circumstances. My catalyst was an encounter with another creature motivated by self-interest. And a lovely creature they are no better or worse than I.

Preoccupied

I wouldn’t mind having a conversation with this innocent fellow.

Have you ever been stricken with a sudden drastic change in appearance? One where you just want to avoid seeing or especially talking to people.  I had that happen to me last night. Eating my late night huge bowl of cereal. When I realize my front tooth was detached from where it belongs.

I have been what I like to refer to as an ideal dental patient. It is however expensive to keep up for me. Turns out a filling failed and lead to the whole thing coming apart. Oh well, I’ll get back to the dentist.

My point here is I was consumed all day with, thinking about it. What shall I do if I encounter anyone? I’ll just get my work done and hide out until I can get the damn thing fixed. I was forgetful, inattentive, distracted, my whole day was like I was not of this earth.

I found though, that I was more aware of myself and actually enjoyed my work day tremendously. I slowed down and noticed how much smoother my day went than the previous day.

star
Star

This has definitely been a wake-up call to take care of things I’ve been putting off. I just want to keep working and taking care of my customers, and I can wait until more convenient time to get these things attended to. NOT!

lilly
What color would you call that?

Well, I’ll be hiding out until I can get my tooth/teeth taken care of. Have a great weekend!

I love my American Girl!

 

Sensitivity

This composition was inspired by a post on Sacred Touches  https://sacredtouches.com/2017/06/13/when-inward-tenderness/

When our natural sensitivity, coupled with silence and awareness. A deep sorrow is revealed. I summon the courage, strength and mercy from the infinite to face this otherwise unbearable pain.

Just as in the quantum realm the activity, behavior, and result is altered by observation. I have discovered something to be embraced, not to escape from. I feel the discomfort fully, without having to know the details of the reason.

A light and warmth exude from the cold abyss, a new depth of compassion is realized and integrated