Just Stop!

What have we here? Is it the most beautiful, appealing, attractive thing I have seen and must do what I can to possess it. Or, perhaps it is repulsive, ugly, frightening and I must give this a wide berth, look away maybe pretend I never encountered it.

I have to stop and consider, that I am most likely wrong. I must be willing to invest in an open-minded attempt to see it clearly and acknowledge my propensity for distorted perception.

Saying to myself Yes and Thank you, for everything. What may seem to me at this moment to be counter to my benefit, just might be the best thing to ever happen.

Has Sammy Hagar been around “like” forever?

Courage

Courage is defined as noun: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery

I’ll take this definition a step further. As the quality within to take action in spite of fear.

Why? you may wonder, do I need to be courageous. As I am progressing through my endeavor to rid myself of the compulsion to destroy my being, attempting to escape the agonizing feelings of being an addict.

Having navigated my way from Surrender and making my way to the doorstep or possible recovery by way of Honesty and developing some hope Great, so Now What?

The next task is truly a frightening prospect. Requiring all the courage I could summon. Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory. Which I might add, after doing the previous steps thoroughly was immensely easier than I thought, upon first examining the steps suggested.

I had never until this point take an honest look within to ask myself who and what bother me. What happened, how it made me feel and the most important part. What part did I play in that situation, relationship?

By recognizing, acknowledging and embracing the absolute worst I am capable of. I have discovered that I am now liberated to behave in entirely new way.

I’m in trouble!

I have mentioned before, how important it is for me to read other’s blogs. In fact, I noticed how few views I get when I happen to be too busy to do my reading. As soon as I was able to get back to reading my followings and liking their posts, viewership increased dramatically.

Here’s my problem. I do read and enjoy those I follow. I was at this particular time, fresh off of a session of reading and had ventured into the promotions tab of my email. There I found an add that I rather liked. I scrolled down to the bottom of the page looking for the “Like” button. Doh! Can anybody relate?

What is wrong with this picture?

What was I thinking? I’m talking about the blatant disregard for my own and others safety. In the description of what it was like, in my last post, It’s Payday!

Ah the mind of a budding addict. I was craving a feeling of connection. I had a vast hole, or it felt like one, in my being. Something was missing. I used substances to alter my brain and body in order to feel different. The trouble is that I was severely impaired. I could care less about myself or others, while at the same time being quite self-absorbed.

I’m better now thanks to the grace of God and the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous

I have posted this song before but it’s pertinent

Honesty

Continuing my endeavor into principles that I somehow failed to integrate as I grew up. If any have any questions about that, just start from my first post and that should explain a lot. My guess though is that most get it.

So I’ve subjected myself to enough emotional anguish and despair that I have become willing to surrender. At which point, in my opinion, freedom is then possible. The next stop on our journey is honesty.

hon·es·ty

ˈänəstē/

noun

 the quality of being honest.

1. “they spoke with convincing honesty about their fears”

   synonyms:

   integrity, uprightness, honorableness, honor, morality, morals, ethics, principles, high principles, righteousness, right-mindedness; More
   2.

   a European plant with purple or white flowers and round, flat, translucent seedpods that are used for indoor flower arrangements.

   

   Clearly, I’m not talking about the flower. Honesty for me is something I thought I had always been good at. I have a problem though about being honest with myself. More about that here. Honestly?

   The kind of freedom I am alluding to is phenomenally described here.

   From Slavery to Freedom

   I believe this whole-heartedly and have experienced that kind of freedom from my days aboard ship in the Navy, while restricted to the ship and involved some extra duty. Freedom is a state of mind. Honesty with oneself is imperative.

   We admitted we…

   I had to admit that my best thinking got me here and that I must be willing to do things differently. So now what?

   more on that later. So long for now

   St. Augustine

   Return to your heart, O you transgressors, and hold fast to him who made you. Stand with him and you shall stand fast. Rest in him and you shall be at rest. Where do you go along these rugged paths? Where are you going?…Why then will you wander farther and farther in these difficult and toilsome ways? There is no rest where you seek it. Seek what you seek, but remember that it is not where you seek it. You seek for a blessed life in the land of death. It is not there. For how can there be a blessed life where life itself is not?

Hey, you!

Image source: photo taken by me at- Minneapolis Institute of Art- The Animal Nature of Man- oil on canvas- Emerson Burkhart 1905-1969

Continued from Who Am I?

I: So, what say you?

Me: I have a question, who am I? or what am I?

I: Is there a difference?

Me: Well, I think so, who I am is the name I have been given, and go by and how I am identified. That is what others call me. What I am is a male of the species, homo sapien.

I: Is that all?

Me: No not at all, there is something else, beyond the physical body and all of its senses and perceptions.

I: Oh, this should be good.

Me: Well there is you.

I: What are you talking about? I am you!

Me: Exactly

To be continued

 

Who Am I?

Me: Wait, what?

I: You heard me

Me: Oh good grief not you again, who cares?

I: You do.

Me: Sure yeah, of course, but who else?

I: Why does that matter?

Me: Touche. So you’re asking me?

I: Yes and remember, I’ve got my eye on you, I am aware of you, what you, see, hear, taste, smell, what you do and why and what your reaction to all of it.

Me: You can do that?

I: Yes, answer the question, please.

Me: Do you need an answer, right now?

I: Take all the time you need.

Me: Whew, ok I’ll get back to you.

To be continued…