Honesty

Continuing my endeavor into principles that I somehow failed to integrate as I grew up. If any have any questions about that, just start from my first post and that should explain a lot. My guess though is that most get it.
So I’ve subjected myself to enough emotional anguish and despair that I have become willing to surrender. At which point, in my opinion, freedom is then possible. The next stop on our journey is honesty.
hon·es·ty
ˈänəstē/
noun
 the quality of being honest.
  1. “they spoke with convincing honesty about their fears”
    synonyms: integrity, uprightness, honorableness, honor, morality, morals, ethics, principles, high principles, righteousness, right-mindedness; More

    2.
    a European plant with purple or white flowers and round, flat, translucent seedpods that are used for indoor flower arrangements.
    09fd691d-52fe-496c-a6a1-66918b05ab88
    Clearly, I’m not talking about the flower. Honesty for me is something I thought I had always been good at. I have a problem though about being honest with myself. More about that here. Honestly?
    The kind of freedom I am alluding to is phenomenally described here.
    I believe this whole-heartedly and have experienced that kind of freedom from my days aboard ship in the Navy, while restricted to the ship and involved some extra duty. Freedom is a state of mind. Honesty with oneself is imperative.
    We admitted we…
    I had to admit that my best thinking got me here and that I must be willing to do things differently. So now what?
    more on that later. So long for now

    St. Augustine

    Return to your heart, O you transgressors, and hold fast to him who made you. Stand with him and you shall stand fast. Rest in him and you shall be at rest. Where do you go along these rugged paths? Where are you going?…Why then will you wander farther and farther in these difficult and toilsome ways? There is no rest where you seek it. Seek what you seek, but remember that it is not where you seek it. You seek for a blessed life in the land of death. It is not there. For how can there be a blessed life where life itself is not?

The Seeker

I’ve looked under chairs
I’ve looked under tables
I’ve tried to find the key
To fifty million fables

chorus:
They call me The Seeker
I’ve been searching low and high
I won’t get to get what I’m after
Till the day I die

I asked Bobby Dylan
I asked The Beatles
I asked Timmothy Leary
But he couldn’t help me either

chorus

People tend to hate me
‘Cause I never smile
As I ransack their homes
They want to shake my hand

Focusing on nowhere
Investigating miles
I’m a seeker
I’m a really desperate man

I won’t get to get what I’m after
Till the day I die

I learned how to raise my voice in anger
Yeah, but look at my face, ain’t this a smile?
I’m happy when life’s good
And when it’s bad I cry
I’ve got values but I don’t know how or why

I’m looking for me
You’re looking for you
We’re looking in at each other
And we don’t know what to do

Pete Townsend

The Who

I’m getting there

Liberated from my self-interest, discovering the best and worst in myself, reentering reality and society, as a being, with something valuable to offer without consideration of what, I am to get out of it, only, that I know now that by being generous and grateful with others, we’re all better for it.

Bill W. and Dr. Bob were divinely inspired and have saved my life.

“We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection”

I have a long way to go!

I should know better

Smothered with doubt of what shall come

what morbid value can I find,  wallowing in my fear.

It’s grip is firm and relentless

There must be a sick reward in being trapped there

Do I miss that misery?

I know better, though, that is not where I belong

I am not bound there, for I am here now

tomorrow looses it’s hold

a fresh breath of now with it’s glorious promise

I release there and smile here, right now

 

 

 

Out of the mouth’s of babes

How I treasure the newcomer and hearing and reading about the stories of those still struggling with addiction.

Way back when almost before I could remember, I was told don’t give up before the miracle happens. Bah! I thought, I’ll never get over wanting to be impaired..ALL THE TIME!

Until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing, you will be stuck on stupid.

The newcomer is the life-blood of the program.

All of these sayings made little if any sense to me when I was early in recovery. I think I remember having an inkling about them that there was some intuition that made sense. I scoffed them off mostly as just slogans to help make newly sober/clean individuals feel better about being there and appreciated.

I am here to tell you, it is a miracle and it has happened to me. I not only have no desire to use or drink. I have forgotten what it feels like. Reality in all of it’s magnificence is so much more vibrant and well real. I’ll get back to my original point.

Listening to and reading here about the feelings, objections, reluctance, struggles questions and most of all the victorious breakthroughs. The lightbulb coming on. Is exhilarating. The feelings I experience are indescribable. To have the honor to be a witness to a person clawing their way out of the relentless death grip of addiction is an overwhelming joy.

The way this thing works is in my opinion divinely inspired. We come gather go through a, dare I say ritual of sorts, at the beginning of meeting and then depending on the type get on with the format. Ending most often with The Lord’s Prayer.

I hope I am able to give people hope that recovery from addiction and alcoholism is indeed possible and is a riotous fun adventure which should not be missed.

Thank you so much and “Keep Coming Back”

 

 

 

 

 

 

And acceptance is the answer

via Daily Prompt: Acceptance

I know this has probably been posted thousands of times, it is the one paragraph from the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous that saved me from picking up more times than I can count. And for this prompt, in my humble opinion, it bears repeating.

And acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation–some fact of my life –unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism (addiction), I could not stay sober (clean); unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world (reality), as in what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (response to reality).

I know, I know it was too easy but, go ahead, kick me while I’m down, it’s appropriate and I’ll thank you for it.

The Way It Is – Tesla

But for the Grace of…

The stark contrast of what I have become aware of as my natural self, ruled by ego and my earthly desires, and my true inner self, untouched by this mortal existence, is exasperating to observe. If I am left to my own decision making without cooperation with something beyond myself, I nearly extinguished this miracle of living tissue, my soul’s current accommodation, through absent minded abuse of toxic substances and behaviors.

By the grace of God, I was spared for no reason I can think of, other than that I may be able to make some sort of contribution to others of my kind. The process by which this revelation has come about still astounds me. Who The F%*k am I

“Poetic Justice
I walked out into the world that I thought I was going to ransack and rob of all it’s pleasures and satisfactions.
I had done what I intended, and now I found that it was I who was emptied and robbed and gutted.
What a strange thing! In filling myself, I had emptied myself. In grasping things, I had lost everything. In devouring pleasures and joys, I had found distress and anguish and fear.
And now, finally, as a piece of poetic justice, when I was reduced to this extremity of misery and humiliation, I fell into a love affair in which I was at last treated in the way I had treated not a few people in those last years.”
Thomas Merton
The Seven Storey Mountain

I have recognized that I once thought I was faultless and all of my problems were circumstances beyond my control, either people or situations. I know now through grace that I need to summon the power within my grasp to admit my human frailties and allow this unfathomable source to lead me to a more productive and meaningful life.

That’s all for now, thanks for stopping by.

and some music

“For The Love of God”

 

Don’t go in there!

I have recently become aware of how repulsed by or completely comfortable some are with dwelling in the darkness of their spirit. Poets write of bathing happily in it, however, seemingly missing the opportunity there. Mystics, sages, religious and spiritual writers, describe it as the residence of the true self.

At your own risk

Thomas Merton writes

“At the center of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin and by illusion, a point of pure truth, a point or spark which belongs entirely to God, which is never at our disposal, from which God disposes our lives, which is inaccessible to the fantasies of our own mind or the brutalities of our own will. This little point of nothingness and of absolute poverty is the pure glory of God in us… It is like a pure diamond, blazing with the invisible light of heaven. It is in everybody, and if we could see it we would see these billions of points of light coming together in the face and blaze of a sun that would make all the darkness and cruelty of life vanish completely…I have no program for this seeing.  It is only given.  But the gate of heaven is everywhere.”

From my perspective, when I practice mindfulness meditation, I am confronted with my natural true self. Self-interested, dishonest, frightened, vengeful and angry. My guess is that facing the reality of our natural, human tendencies, it is appalling and extremely uncomfortable. Consequently, any who make any attempt to be still with themselves in juxtaposition with the light infused darkness, Thomas Merton describes so beautifully, are prone to become easily distracted and decide that what Kanye and Kim are up to is of paramount importance and this dedication to discovering more about the interior life can wait.

The Present State of Things Blog puts it another way

Instinct

I was inspired this morning, as well by a blogger, whom some of you I’m sure are following and if not you should consider it, posted a lovely image and quote.

A Fiery Soul

That got me thinking, how have I benefited from coming to grips with how I really am. By observing and being honest about what I find and instead of fleeing as quickly as possible from it, denying it or fighting it. All of which cede the power of those flaws in my character. I become friendly with them in a way. Embrace them, they are after all part of me. It is self- love, after all, which enables us to love, forgive and accept the darkness in our fellow travelers.

Pelican

and finally some music

Memories by Marco Sfogli

 

 

Single-Hearted

Why is it that we are so ready to chatter and gossip with others when we so seldom return to silence without some injury to our conscience? Perhaps the reason we are so fond of talking is that we think to find consolation in this manner; to refresh a spirit wearied with many cares. And so we speak of what we like and dislike, and of the things we desire or despise. But in the end, this outward attempt to find consolation is only an obstacle to our inner life.

telling secrest
Let us watch and pray that our time is not spent fruitlessly. Let us not busy ourselves with idle conversation, or with what other people say and do.…Blessed are the single-hearted, for they enjoy true peace

Thomas Merton

And a piece of music I’m enjoying today

The Phoenix