We’re not meant to do this Alone

We need to share our struggles and triumphs with others and participate in theirs. Contact with fellow sufferers in this realm is imperative, without human contact we wither and fade away.  I’m not suggesting that everyone needs the same amount by any means. It must be reciprocal though. I need to allow people to really know me, especially the worst of what I find in my observation of my self and my thinking. There is a great liberation in admitting to another your faults and listening to their feedback. When I admit the worst I can be I am free to act differently. That which we deny or fight is given power in our psyches. The result is any number of destructive behaviors.

Save you

My greatest enemy is myself alone with my fears. Which is, what I have come to learn, my resistance to what is and my consistent regret of the past and my stewing about the future. Now is where it’s at. There is no problem now, only opportunity. I can discern with assistance of others the appropriate responses to the needs at hand. The best option nearly always is getting out of my “Shit Stew” and find someone less fortunate than I that I can share what I have with. Helping others is the answer. I am provided for by the collective consciousness/God if you please. If I am generous with my attention life/the universe will manifest exactly what I need.

mother

I have found that what I was afraid to tell others about myself led to admiration and connection not ridicule and avoidance. These people opened up their lives to me and we share in this glorious life here together.

May it be as it should

I love!

Great, so now what?

I have acknowledged my error in perception, forgiven the “perpetrator”, asked forgiveness and expressed an interest in making up for the infraction. My question is now what?

Well for starters, I can return to what is. That which is available right now always has been and always will be. I have to admit though it is not as easy as it might sound. My mind (Ego) keeps thinking and restlessness ensues. Constantly searching for the next big thing, a thrill, some form of satisfaction from out there, all the while, “it’s an Inside Job”

Featured Image -- 4574

Bringing my attention back to my body and where and when I am. It’s like a broken or scratched record. To break the habit of dwelling in my thoughts and the particular appetites that I want to feed, in lieu of residing in my being.

  1. Recognize and acknowledge what I am grateful for.
  2. Let those who matter, know that I appreciate them, no matter what I think they think.
  3. Be quiet and still for my own benefit. “put the oxygen mask on first, before helping others with theirs”
  4. Praise and thank God for all the blessings, strength and forgiveness He has given.
  5. Go in Peace

This is another repeat track but is so relevant, from the album title and song to the music Thank you, I will always love you

Appropriate

ap·pro·pri·ate

adjective

  1. Suitable or proper in the circumstances

verb

  1. Take (something) for one’s own
  2. Devote (money or asset) to a special purpose

 

dollar-currency-money-us-dollar-47344.jpeg

Appropriate some time, if you please, to consider if you think it appropriate, for our “representatives’ to appropriate our earnings and the earnings of future generations to their perception of what is appropriate?

I say NO! But what of it? In my humble opinion, we are no longer represented. Those we have elected, at least in national offices have been placed into a system that has corrupted them to engage in keeping the status quo, placing the electorate in perpetual debt to the whims of the ruling class.

It is a bit disheartening, however, I personally am responding with, acceptance of what is. Our education system has failed us and those who would best be able to affect a change are more concerned about which side is to blame or to be congratulated than what is truly best for the whole.

I will appropriate time to discern who best to vote for in coming elections

pexels-photo-251287.png

variation II attrib

attribution of the featured image, other images courtesy of Pexels

I’ll leave you with this

 

 

Refuse

ref·use1
rəˈfyo͞oz/
verb
verb: refuse; 3rd person present: refuses; past tense: refused; past participle: refused; gerund or present participle: refusing
  1. indicate or show that one is not willing to do something.
    no
ref·use2
ˈrefˌyo͞os/
  1. noun
    noun: refuse
    matter thrown away or rejected as worthless; trash.

    Trash awaits collection during a community trash collection event along the Santa Cruz River in Rio Rico

     

    I ❤ words

    images courtesy of the goog

     

     

     

An Apparition

A mirage of sorts, though it can’t be seen or even concretely described. I know it, feel it and can almost taste it. When I can capture it and possess it for my own, I will finally feel relieved of this wretched craving. Therein lies my affliction. Reliance on created things for solace.

As soon as the slightest acknowledgment of my existence is perceived the twinge of hunger evolves into an insatiable need. It must fill me up. I know well the error of my ways. I consistently regularly want what I ultimately can never have. As much as I chase cajole attempt to persuade bribe or buy and as close as I think I might be to quelling this thirst the object of my desire vanishes, evaporates turns to dust, or realizes the futility of my endeavor and erects a barricade of silence which I dare not penetrate.

I correctly assign the blame squarely where it belongs, right here with me. Things money, status, the adulation and “love” from beings will always disappoint and it’s not their fault. I have established an impossible feat for them to achieve. Being highly sensitive the initial sensation that touches is exhilarating and is what leads me to abandon any sense I might have ever had.

The solution though is readily available and inexhaustible. It is of course “The Source” God, Abba, Yahweh, Allah, it is the same in whatever language, culture, the religion where the gift of your faith abides. It is our essence It is eternal. I must only stop, thinking, doing, striving, and most of all grasping, wishing to possess. That is all “the world” The eternal is within me and around me, apart of me and I a part of it.

As long as I continue to “use” the urges will never subside and the onset of withdrawal starts as soon as I try to quit. Resistance is futile and surrender is the highest and best option. I don’t want to, and so it goes.

Please Help Me, I am nothing without You

May your day be as it should.

 

It’s not For Sale

As much as it may seem or as much as I pretend to have gained through the ravages of active addiction and the process of recovering from it. I still feel like a pathetic fool and a fraud. There is something below in my psyche that tells me I have a price to pay and must suffer humiliating groveling for attention. That I don’t deserve to be treated better.

I have only experienced glimpses of peace, the kind that can neither be bought, sold or bargained for. I know what I should do but simply don’t. Holding out hope that things will change and it will all fall together blissfully.

Lord, I pray now that you strengthen the frail faith that I might truly rely on You wholly

 

soaring
Soaring

I was blessed with a gift this afternoon. I was witness to this glorious creature providing for itself. Gliding ever so gently circling down toward the river’s surface and finally grabbing a meal like the fish just swam intentionally to become dinner.

I tried to capture the event but somethings are not meant to be and become treasured events that represent a turning point. The eagle does not worry about what it has done or what it deserves. He is merely provided for through being what he/she is.

A little while later I discovered this pair in an urban neighborhood proximate to the river. Moments like these make me realize how small I am in the greater scheme of things and that a smile and a kind gesture will go farther than any complaints I might have.

I know I’ve featured this one before but it is touching me now

Let the music here touch your soul

 

 

That is why

“That is why, after the initial euphoria has passed, there is so much unhappiness, so much pain in intimate relationships. They do not cause pain and unhappiness, they bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.”  Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now

From where do pain and unhappiness originate? Does it matter? It all dissolves at this moment. Here and now are all that matter, however reluctant I am to stay with this discomfort, I persevere in acknowledgment of what is and embrace the sensations. And so it goes back to wherever it came, as I bask in the true love I am surrounded by and come from.

Image source Minneapolis Institute of Art

competitive lover