Refuse

ref·use1
rəˈfyo͞oz/
verb
verb: refuse; 3rd person present: refuses; past tense: refused; past participle: refused; gerund or present participle: refusing
  1. indicate or show that one is not willing to do something.
    no
ref·use2
ˈrefˌyo͞os/
  1. noun
    noun: refuse
    matter thrown away or rejected as worthless; trash.

    Trash awaits collection during a community trash collection event along the Santa Cruz River in Rio Rico

     

    I ❤ words

    images courtesy of the goog

     

     

     

An Apparition

A mirage of sorts, though it can’t be seen or even concretely described. I know it, feel it and can almost taste it. When I can capture it and possess it for my own, I will finally feel relieved of this wretched craving. Therein lies my affliction. Reliance on created things for solace.

As soon as the slightest acknowledgment of my existence is perceived the twinge of hunger evolves into an insatiable need. It must fill me up. I know well the error of my ways. I consistently regularly want what I ultimately can never have. As much as I chase cajole attempt to persuade bribe or buy and as close as I think I might be to quelling this thirst the object of my desire vanishes, evaporates turns to dust, or realizes the futility of my endeavor and erects a barricade of silence which I dare not penetrate.

I correctly assign the blame squarely where it belongs, right here with me. Things money, status, the adulation and “love” from beings will always disappoint and it’s not their fault. I have established an impossible feat for them to achieve. Being highly sensitive the initial sensation that touches is exhilarating and is what leads me to abandon any sense I might have ever had.

The solution though is readily available and inexhaustible. It is of course “The Source” God, Abba, Yahweh, Allah, it is the same in whatever language, culture, the religion where the gift of your faith abides. It is our essence It is eternal. I must only stop, thinking, doing, striving, and most of all grasping, wishing to possess. That is all “the world” The eternal is within me and around me, apart of me and I a part of it.

As long as I continue to “use” the urges will never subside and the onset of withdrawal starts as soon as I try to quit. Resistance is futile and surrender is the highest and best option. I don’t want to, and so it goes.

Please Help Me, I am nothing without You

May your day be as it should.

 

It’s not For Sale

As much as it may seem or as much as I pretend to have gained through the ravages of active addiction and the process of recovering from it. I still feel like a pathetic fool and a fraud. There is something below in my psyche that tells me I have a price to pay and must suffer humiliating groveling for attention. That I don’t deserve to be treated better.

I have only experienced glimpses of peace, the kind that can neither be bought, sold or bargained for. I know what I should do but simply don’t. Holding out hope that things will change and it will all fall together blissfully.

Lord, I pray now that you strengthen the frail faith that I might truly rely on You wholly

 

soaring
Soaring

I was blessed with a gift this afternoon. I was witness to this glorious creature providing for itself. Gliding ever so gently circling down toward the river’s surface and finally grabbing a meal like the fish just swam intentionally to become dinner.

I tried to capture the event but somethings are not meant to be and become treasured events that represent a turning point. The eagle does not worry about what it has done or what it deserves. He is merely provided for through being what he/she is.

A little while later I discovered this pair in an urban neighborhood proximate to the river. Moments like these make me realize how small I am in the greater scheme of things and that a smile and a kind gesture will go farther than any complaints I might have.

I know I’ve featured this one before but it is touching me now

Let the music here touch your soul

 

 

That is why

“That is why, after the initial euphoria has passed, there is so much unhappiness, so much pain in intimate relationships. They do not cause pain and unhappiness, they bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.”  Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now

From where do pain and unhappiness originate? Does it matter? It all dissolves at this moment. Here and now are all that matter, however reluctant I am to stay with this discomfort, I persevere in acknowledgment of what is and embrace the sensations. And so it goes back to wherever it came, as I bask in the true love I am surrounded by and come from.

Image source Minneapolis Institute of Art

competitive lover

It’s a Miracle

Have you ever considered how our eyes work? I have been. Light reflected from whatever we are looking at enters, to be interpreted and categorized that ultimately elicits a response within. This post relates closely to the previous Aprehensive

I am in awe and embrace the wonder and mystery of what I consume through my eyes. What I read, symbols arranged in a way that I have been taught to mean certain ideas, concepts, etc. Then are further digested through the prism of my conditioning, preferences, and experience.

Then introduce mindfulness to contemplate my response to these things I am looking at, as an impartial observer of myself.

age of yearning

Am I awake, does it matter, should I care?

It all certainly, in my soul feels like it could not have happened by chance.

How it is all attributed and used to influence are astounding.

Feeling blessed and at peace, which is not the result of my natural self’s mechanisms

What say you?

Aprehensive

Since beginning my endeavor into writing, I have become interested in words, their meaning and origin. I have always been very literal and find this word curious.

Aprehensive

adjective
adjective: apprehensive
  1. 1.
    anxious or fearful that something bad or unpleasant will happen.
    “he felt apprehensive about going home”
    synonyms: anxiousworrieduneasynervousconcernedagitatedtenseafraidscaredfrightenedfearfulMore

    antonyms: confident
  2. 2.
    archaic literary
    relating to perception or understanding.
Personally, I find the archaic definition more appealing to my literal mind.
The ability to apprehend, grasp or comprehend an idea or concept. I don’t quite understand how the word became to mean something related to fear and anxiety.
Maybe someone out there can help me to understand.
Meanwhile here is more from my visit to MIA Minneapolis Insitute of Art
accompanied by my lovely daughters.
aww
Siblings, how can they love and be repulsed by each other simultaneously?

Cheesy right?

Have a seat

Have a seat

A grand location for the exhibition of expression

My #1

Firearms as art?…She’ll never forgive me, but after all isn’t it a parent’s job to embarrass their kids?

They will never know what it was like without a mobile device… It was so hard lols

Apprehending what love is and to experience it in all of its eternal facets

There you have it. You may now carry on as you were.

Until then if you please, enjoy a taste of mine.

 

Everything is sacred

From my perspective, I see that it is true. From the contrast of a crow in the snow. to the ingenuity of humanity to create and express, lends to us all a richness that, if one is still and aware, provides meaning to life.

I love trains

 

One of my favorite things to do to provide nutrition to my soul is to visit The Minneapolis Institute of Art. It is free except for parking. I particularly am attracted to sculpture.

entering

Here are a few that caught my eye during a recent visit.

Borius

abducting

 

From the eyes through the heart to the hands we all have the treasures left to “lose our selves and find ourselves at once” appreciating the creations of others.

Some paintings caught my attention as well. These and many more were ingested as a supplement for a healthier coexistence.

 

 

Doing this is a gift to myself and to all I encounter and beyond radiating love and appreciation for life as it is and has always been.

There is a sacred beauty in everything if you are quiet enough to apprehend it. May your life today be, as it should. You have a choice.

Close your eyes and allow the music to transport you. New music

Unfathomable Wealth

What it would be like to live with such wealth, that you could create, or have created for you, a home that had it all and even more? This past weekend, my youngest and I visited the grand home of James J. Hill, on Saint Paul, Minnesota’s historic Cathedral Hill.

The Man
The Man

We embarked upon an informative and educational venture into the dream home of one of Minnesota’s most important citizens. He founded the Great Northern Railwaycon49

He was a tireless “workaholic” and created a vast fortune that is evident throughout the state. More information can be found here Minnesota Historic Society  The rest of my entry will be photos and commentary of impressions I left with.

The grand stairway, with its gorgeous woodwork took my breath away. Photos do not do the grandeur of this spectacle justice. the entire house has carved woodwork that was carved by and artist that left his likeness in certain pieces.Carver

The home had the latest technology of the time, mainly electricity, with a gas backup and a central heating system that still works today. The lighting is designed to give one the feel of what it would have been like living in the home at the end of the nineteenth and the beginning of the twentieth centuries. Large windows provided natural light, which is evident where applicable.

The Man was involved in nearly all of the industries that experienced growth during the industrial revolution. I am still processing the entire event. I will return again in the spring the get more from the exterior and the view of the Mississippi River Valley from the Home. Until then

May your moments be all the are meant to be.

Soul Food

I have read that nutrition for our soul can be, reading a good book, admiring art or expression of any kind, observation and contemplation of the violence and beauty of nature, and finally engaging in an activity or work where the thought of achieving anything other than just enjoying that, is absent.

Introducing Duck Soup for myself on Valentine’s Day.

Duck Stock

Whole fresh duck with breasts and leg and thigh removed

Mirepoix-Leeks, Onions, Celery, carrots

Bouquet garni-thyme, bay leaves parsley, peppercorns

3 quarts cold water

Set aside legs and breasts bag them up and keep refrigerated.

Put everything into a stock pot, bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Skim foam scum off and discard. Simmer for 2-4 hours. Strain chill and get ready for the soup.

Please excuse me as I do not use recipes and these are just a list of ingredients that I put into the dish

Aromatics

Ginger, lemongrass, garlic, shallots, sriracha

Veggies for soup

Onion, carrot, celery, mushrooms(baby bellas)

For the soup

Sear duck breast

Cut the skin and fat down to the flesh, season with salt and ground pepper

put into a cool dry skillet, skin down and sear until crispy and golden, about 8-10 minutes, turn over and put the pan into hot oven 400+ for another 4-6 minutes, take out of the pan and set aside to rest.

Prepare the soup

Heat a couple portions of stock 28-32 ounces

Sautee aromatics add mushrooms and veggies, deglaze with rice vinegar and stock

add fish sauce, soy sauce a little honey

heat to simmer and add a squeeze of lime juice about 1/4 lime

prepare bowls with some cooked rice noodles and sliced napa cabbage

in the bowl

did I forget anything?

Ah yes ladle soup over prepared bowls slice duck breast and place on top and garnish with chopped cilantro and mint

Voila
There you have it

Happy Valentine day fool

toe musical selections tonight

Winners and losers

In the interest of being able to persuade others to their side and hopefully arrive at a majority, in the perceived interest of their constituents. A division is created. What if someone has a great idea for most if not everybody, except that this someone has the opposition’s party affiliation? It then becomes evil and the greatest atrocity ever imagined. Sadly it cuts both ways.

Be Peace

From my perspective and in action. I choose to attempt indifference to the insanity going on in our nation’s capital. My aim is to smile and to be at peace with myself. Be kind to, and understanding of those I encounter. Help when I am able, say no when I cannot. This I pray will ripple out from here and impact more than I am aware of.

Comming to grips with and accepting that no one does anything that is not motivated by self-interest is key to understanding the motivations of leaders and followers. We all desire to be on the winning side. But what if the people you follow are not being completely honest? They’re human and are self-interested, so I’ll just attend to what I have influence over, namely me.img_3788

With gratitude, generosity, and love. Peace be with you all and may God bless all you endeavor.