I am reflecting on this year. I started writing here about this time last year. My eyes and being have been subject to a wonderous eco-system of artists, entrepreneurs, visionaries and downright hilarious expressionists. All here to get out what can no longer be contained within.
Mine is a journey of ongoing and perpetual self-discovery and, hopefully, growth. None of which occur when things are going according to my particular sensitivities. I have found that before I have exhausted all of my self-determined solutions and am in complete despair I am unable to surrender.
Upon the occasion of surrender and acceptance of my inability to do anything of my self. That part of me must be demolished in order for a renovation to begin. Recovery does not take a linear path. There are pauses and serious faults found along the way where construction is halted, the architect is consulted and a diversion in the path is found suitable. The result, though is spectacular. An ever increasing gratitude and willingness to embrace the mystery of this mortal sentence is uncovered.
I am so blessed to be alive, willing and able to feel and express how lucky I am to be here. I wanted to be different than I was. I surrendered, asked for help performed the demolition, evaluated what was of any use, repaired the fractures in my relationships and am growing up.
Merry Christmas the wait is nearly over and All you have needed and will ever need is inside you right now. If only for the obstructions built by self-will. Ask for and accept help…Cry Out! Help is only too ready to assist.
Or more appropriately, I have to say! I am in complete awe of the community that is WordPress. I am also immensely grateful for the expression put forth by all whom I enjoy following.
I have mentioned this before, but I had no idea how important it is to follow, read, like, and comment on other’s creations here, when I started. I am also a bit surprised at how much I have begun to and enjoy doing such. I found that when I took my little eclipse road trip, the while away, I missed being able to read what everybody’s been doing. Safely anyway, while driving.
I definitely have been bitten by the WordPress bug.
The variety and depth of the content produced here are astounding. I find myself experiencing a full range of emotion. Joy, peace, admonishment, sadness, caring, uplifted, informed. In the words of Thomas Merton “Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” All of you who I read, and some are hardly aware while others are quite close, almost intimate, do this for me. You touch me. From the depth of my soul, I thank God for you. And I thank you too!
At this point, my first time through, it was very important to consciously take time at the end of my day to consider interactions with others and in situations. I had plenty of help from my sponsor and people I admire if I had questions. If I have to ask, then there certainly was something to set straight. Again there are no more I’m sorries. I faced up and admitted what the infraction was and offer to make it right.
There is great power in admission. Or I should say I keep my power when I admit. I am reminded of what I like to refer to the Hippopotamus syndrome. If someone says something untrue about me like You’re a hippopotamus, I’ likely to laugh, but if something true is stated about me and I thought I was being sly and keeping it to myself. I will get angry and defensive. I will argue and give up my power in what ensues. So I tend to just admit it even if it is not true. I can never comprehend other’s perception. I try to understand what they see and say it.
“We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” Alcoholics Anonymous.Doing this ongoing check is part of how I stay spiritually fit. There is much more to that in the next installment.
Today, after 18 plus years I am much more sensitive and am quick to feel it when I wronged someone and done something I shouldn’t. I consider it miraculous.