I am so Sorry

To who am I speaking? Myself I guess, or to the one to whom I assigned the impossible task to relieve my insatiable appetite. This is an extension to or an update to When Enough isn’t

I  have just recently arrived at the notion that, what I really am after is not what is consuming my thinking mind’s desire. I know from experience that, as soon as my objective is achieved the result will disappoint or the feeling I hoped would be captured does not occur. What I really want is the relief, from the craving, inner peas…lol  I do make an error in what I think will quell the desire.

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My ego insists that I must have what can never ultimately be possessed. Is it ironic that ego (self) and wanting to possess (covet) are features of human nature we are told to turn away from?

The anticipation is what I am addicted to. The projected outcome, which never happens, is that which consumes me.

corrosive

It is truly corrosive to my peas. So, please accept my apology. I cannot say that it will never happen again, because I am, after all, Human

2 musical selections today

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Appropriate

ap·pro·pri·ate

adjective

  1. Suitable or proper in the circumstances

verb

  1. Take (something) for one’s own
  2. Devote (money or asset) to a special purpose

 

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Appropriate some time, if you please, to consider if you think it appropriate, for our “representatives’ to appropriate our earnings and the earnings of future generations to their perception of what is appropriate?

I say NO! But what of it? In my humble opinion, we are no longer represented. Those we have elected, at least in national offices have been placed into a system that has corrupted them to engage in keeping the status quo, placing the electorate in perpetual debt to the whims of the ruling class.

It is a bit disheartening, however, I personally am responding with, acceptance of what is. Our education system has failed us and those who would best be able to affect a change are more concerned about which side is to blame or to be congratulated than what is truly best for the whole.

I will appropriate time to discern who best to vote for in coming elections

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variation II attrib

attribution of the featured image, other images courtesy of Pexels

I’ll leave you with this

 

 

Aprehensive

Since beginning my endeavor into writing, I have become interested in words, their meaning and origin. I have always been very literal and find this word curious.

Aprehensive

adjective
adjective: apprehensive
  1. 1.
    anxious or fearful that something bad or unpleasant will happen.
    “he felt apprehensive about going home”
    synonyms: anxiousworrieduneasynervousconcernedagitatedtenseafraidscaredfrightenedfearfulMore

    antonyms: confident
  2. 2.
    archaic literary
    relating to perception or understanding.
Personally, I find the archaic definition more appealing to my literal mind.
The ability to apprehend, grasp or comprehend an idea or concept. I don’t quite understand how the word became to mean something related to fear and anxiety.
Maybe someone out there can help me to understand.
Meanwhile here is more from my visit to MIA Minneapolis Insitute of Art
accompanied by my lovely daughters.
aww
Siblings, how can they love and be repulsed by each other simultaneously?

Cheesy right?

Have a seat

Have a seat

A grand location for the exhibition of expression

My #1

Firearms as art?…She’ll never forgive me, but after all isn’t it a parent’s job to embarrass their kids?

They will never know what it was like without a mobile device… It was so hard lols

Apprehending what love is and to experience it in all of its eternal facets

There you have it. You may now carry on as you were.

Until then if you please, enjoy a taste of mine.

 

Unfathomable Wealth

What it would be like to live with such wealth, that you could create, or have created for you, a home that had it all and even more? This past weekend, my youngest and I visited the grand home of James J. Hill, on Saint Paul, Minnesota’s historic Cathedral Hill.

The Man
The Man

We embarked upon an informative and educational venture into the dream home of one of Minnesota’s most important citizens. He founded the Great Northern Railwaycon49

He was a tireless “workaholic” and created a vast fortune that is evident throughout the state. More information can be found here Minnesota Historic Society  The rest of my entry will be photos and commentary of impressions I left with.

The grand stairway, with its gorgeous woodwork took my breath away. Photos do not do the grandeur of this spectacle justice. the entire house has carved woodwork that was carved by and artist that left his likeness in certain pieces.Carver

The home had the latest technology of the time, mainly electricity, with a gas backup and a central heating system that still works today. The lighting is designed to give one the feel of what it would have been like living in the home at the end of the nineteenth and the beginning of the twentieth centuries. Large windows provided natural light, which is evident where applicable.

The Man was involved in nearly all of the industries that experienced growth during the industrial revolution. I am still processing the entire event. I will return again in the spring the get more from the exterior and the view of the Mississippi River Valley from the Home. Until then

May your moments be all the are meant to be.

Demolition precedes Renovation

I am reflecting on this year. I started writing here about this time last year. My eyes and being have been subject to a wonderous eco-system of artists, entrepreneurs, visionaries and downright hilarious expressionists. All here to get out what can no longer be contained within.

Mine is a journey of ongoing and perpetual self-discovery and, hopefully, growth. None of which occur when things are going according to my particular sensitivities. I have found that before I have exhausted all of my self-determined solutions and am in complete despair I am unable to surrender.

inside
Demolition

Upon the occasion of surrender and acceptance of my inability to do anything of my self. That part of me must be demolished in order for a renovation to begin. Recovery does not take a linear path. There are pauses and serious faults found along the way where construction is halted, the architect is consulted and a diversion in the path is found suitable. The result, though is spectacular. An ever increasing gratitude and willingness to embrace the mystery of this mortal sentence is uncovered.

 

I am so blessed to be alive, willing and able to feel and express how lucky I am to be here. I wanted to be different than I was. I surrendered, asked for help performed the demolition, evaluated what was of any use, repaired the fractures in my relationships and am growing up.

Merry Christmas the wait is nearly over and All you have needed and will ever need is inside you right now. If only for the obstructions built by self-will. Ask for and accept help…Cry Out! Help is only too ready to assist.

XIX

I am reflecting on receiving my 19-year medallion this past Saturday’s monthly sobriety recognition and speaker meeting. Ther was an Al-Anon speaker and an AA speaker. It very enlightening to hear the perspective of the emotions of the loved ones of addicts and alcoholics. The AA speaker was very good as well.

I am struck recently that, there is no more original thought. It has all been thought, proclaimed and disseminated throughout time. The thoughts and writings merely seem to be presented in a slightly different way and offered to a new generation.

Of course, this is all only a matter of opinion and I am most certainly wrong.

Here are a couple examples, where I feel as though I have felt these things all my life and are somewhat eternally true.

Heraclitus

Heraclitus or Heracleitos was a pre-Socratic Greek Philosopher he lived from c. 535 – c. 475 BC her is some of his writing

“The majority of men think they see and do not. They believe they listen but they do not hear. They are absent when present, because in the act of seeing and hearing they substitute the familiar cliches of familiar prejudice for the new and unexpected truth that is being offered to them. They complacently imagine they are receiving a new light, but in the very moment of apprehension they renew their obsession with the old darkness, which is so familiar that it and it alone, appears to be light to them.”

Sound familiar? It does to me. I cant say why or where, but it seems universal.

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And the next is an excerpt from The Literary Essays of Thomas Merton

(pp. 367)

“Since there is no genuine creativity apart from God, the man who attempts to be a “creator” outside of God and independent of him is forced to fall back on magic. The sin of the wizard is not so much that he usurps and exercises a real preternatural power, but that his postures travesty the divine by degrading man’s freedom in absurd and servile manipulations of reality.”

rose

Any of that ring a bell? Seems, to me we are surrounded by those that tell us down is up and black is white and bad is good. I’m happy to be on a quest toward emptiness.

God Bless You-Namaste

 

How could I?

I like to think that I have a strong faith in God. Yet I have recently had occasion to doubt.

DOUBT

transitive verb

  1. archaic a: fear b: suspect
  2. to call into question the truth of : to be uncertain or in doubt about
  3. a: to lack confidence in-Distrust b: to consider unlikely.

I had been thinking it unlikely that I would be able to accept a job offer due to having prior commitments, I had worried that I would have to tell customers that I would not be able to provide service due to traveling. I wasn’t sure I would have time to complete commitments after a scheduled orientation meeting today.

I was tossing last night doing my best to let Him have my cares and to forgive my faithlessness. All of my prayers were answered. I felt a warm sense of ease. I knew it would all work out. I could not comprehend how, based on the information I had at the time, I just knew.

  1. It didn’t snow while I was away no need to let customers down.
  2. My offer to work for the biggest online retailer as a seasonal delivery station associate came after Thanksgiving
  3. The shifts I will work will allow me to continue to work during daylight hours.
  4. the orientation lasted 2 1/2 hours instead of the 4 I had expected. Allowing me to complete jobs I had committed to, and better yet, the last job was much easier to get done than I had expected.

I had to stop and Thank and praise Him and was in tears as I knew I had doubted that it was all going to go better than I could have dreamed. It always does