Are you so certain?

I for one can admit that I am not. I would, however, like to be free to disagree and to offer an alternative idea, one perhaps that is ancient. Truth doesn’t change, no matter how it is ridiculed as hateful or simplistic. I am flawed and prone to mistakes, how else am I to learn?

I feel we all must be allowed to have the truth revealed to us that way. In our own time, which is wildly different for each one of us. Instead of an overbearing group of power-mad supposed representatives that are certain of what is best for the common good, and coerces me to act in a way defined by them. From my experience, the common good is best served by me acting for my own benefit through the discovery of a better me which has occurred from trial and error.

I am all for taking care of those that truly cannot help themselves. I am opposed to helping others that take advantage of the hard work of productive people in our society, through unaccountable programs created to help but cost more to administer than provide actual help to those that really need it.

Can men and women rule themselves? or must we assimilate into the Borg

 

I understand that is a grotesque oversimplification but is it too far-fetched? I think not. There is a not often revealed downside to collectivism, that being the “leaders” don’t have to do without as the masses must share all of their productivity to the collective. I am of the opinion that the state is subservient to the individual, not the other way around.

I believe that the “news” media have ruined their credibility, and it has become dependent on the audience they are preaching to. It is all agenda driven and we’ve been divided into extreme constituencies that are far from real. One must really dig to find the truth and may never find it. What if the masses realized that they could do more without the interference of the government. Then the politicians and corrupt media would become irrelevant, which is precisely why people are losing their minds. I am content to be uncertain and irrelevant so I am a threat to the collective.

Turn away from what you are rushing towards, embrace that which you are running from-Yourself

What I Want

And to be perfectly honest with you, I haven’t the slightest idea. Sounds crazy right? Perhaps not so. I know I am dedicated to a life of service. I love to help. I am more likely to consider the wants and needs of others before my own. I consider this to be quite selfish really, a more refined form of selfishness, in the words of Anthony de Mello, selfish none the less.

monarch

My point is I really don’t know what I want. I have no interest in the societal convention of success. I have way more than I need, given a certain perspective of what most in this world survive on. I am writing this particular piece in hopes of fleshing out the desired outcome of this perfectly flawed human’s existence. As with all who have found a voice for themselves in the creative act of writing, I would love to be recognized as a competent author with a message of hope for humanity. A lofty aspiration, I know, it requires a great deal of tenacity, perseverance, and luck to be discovered, by those that can bring that dream to fruition. But that’ not all.

purple

I truly want a deeply meaningful, loving relationship with a woman that shares my values and will tolerate my peculiarities, human frailties, and appetites. As I consider this one, I’m reminded of when I was a young buck of 18 hanging out around a gas station in Newport Beach, people would stop in for directions and we, my friends and I, would get a kick out of telling them, “you can’t get there from here.” Or so it seems.

bouquet bunch of flowers flowers holding
Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com

I trust and have faith that my Creator has a plan and it is better than I can now imagine. Our souls know each other, I may even know them in this realm, I may even be engaged in some interaction now, the future is murky, the magic 8 ball says, try again later.

I want to be grateful for and share what I have been so graciously given. Even if that is all, it is enough and that’s quite a lot. Would It be okay if I wanted a little more? Or am I being greedy?

lavender

More will be revealed, that much I know for sure.

In Mr. Wayfarer’s dwelling unit.

A challenge from an admired author and one I consider an instructor in my endeavor to be better

https://fitfulfearfulphantasmal.wordpress.com/2018/07/24/in-mr-habtes-apartment-also-see-the-writers-challenge-after-this-story/

with your permission I’ve adopted your format

In Mr. Wayfarer’s dwelling unit

list of refuse found in Mr. Wayfarer’s trash

trash

1. antiquated notions of self doubt and anxiety about how he’s perceived
2. insistence that he be right
3. seeking immediate gratification
4. snap judgment
5. failure to recognize and embrace alternatives views about himself and others

list of items in Mr. Wayfarer’s toolbox

toolbox

1. impartial observation of himself
2. devotion of time dedicated to silence in solitude
3. reverence for something indescribable beyond himself
4. awareness of the violence and beauty of nature
5. attention to the dwelling of his soul, while serving his sentence here, and taking good care of it

list of items in Mr. Wayfarer’s closet

closet

1. deviant voyeuristic appetite and tendencies
2. classic liberal political preference
3. a shelf with items previously discarded, but saved for possible emergencies
4. revulsion to obvious deceit that cannot be admitted
5. self deception

 

Things in my craw

There are a few things I am considering while macerating these to formulate some relatable content to digest and hopefully feed your soul.

  1. Unselfconsciousness- Acting in a manner where one is not conscious of one’s self
  2. Seeing beyond my own hurt and worry, through action in an attempt comfort or help another and authentically caring thereby alleviating the pain I felt. What is the source of that pain?
  3. If we are unwilling to trust people to make their own decisions and be accountable for themselves, why on earth would we trust putting people (elected “representatives”) in place to make those decisions and still be left unaccountable?
  4. Degrees of receptivity to a higher calling- it can be strengthened or left to wither and evaporate
  5. Apprehensive can mean something other than anxiety
  6. What is essence?
  7. and finally, That everything and everyplace is sacred and worthy of reverence

So there you have it, stay tuned for more on these and more in the coming weeks.

God Bless you all and

R.I.P Dolores

Do you know the difference?

Allow me to introduce you to the Yellow Jacket Wasp.

Profanity Warning!

These little bastards are fucking mean! They are considered to be beneficial because they eat other insects like mosquitoes, apids and the like. I have become acquainted with them, quite painfully 6 times in the past week.

Yellowjacket.Mostly.Dorsal
Yellow Jacket

They will defend the colony very aggressively. A giant, pushing/chasing a lawnmower over the nest is to be attacked mercilessly. The sting is painful initially leaving a sharp ache the rest of the day.

MDAgroundnests
Ground-nesting insects

When the ache subsides, what you are left with is not unlike a large mosquito bite that itches for a week or more. I am amazed at the tenacity and courage of these little fuckers. Imagine giving your life trying to kill a creature several thousand times your size to defend the queen and her brood.

What I have learned.

  1. They only nest annually
  2. Only the inseminated queen survives the cold winters (not sure how I don’t care)
  3. She starts a new colony in spring
  4. Late summer the nest is at its highest density (ah now I am beginning to understand)
  5. Upon discovery stay away, let them settle down and take another pass if necessary.

The Takeaway. I have a profound curiosity for all of God’s creatures. There is something to be learned from nature that I can apply to the miracle of life and existence.

Courage, what are you willing to give your life for? Survival of a representative republic?(that’s a worthy blog post by itself) Tenacity, How adamant are you about your faith? I feel I could be better. Defense of your family. I know I can be hard on them, but I only want what’s best and will expect the same in return.

God bless all of you and thank you for reading to the end.

What am I afraid of?

To be honest with you, I can’t put my finger on it. I’m fairly level headed, open-minded I am committed to improving myself. I still can’t shake the idea that I’ll be found to be unappealing, odd what have you. I am petrified at the thought of putting myself out there and opening myself up for disappointment and ridicule.

I like who I have become. I want to be counted on, to be thought about and anticipated. Perhaps, I should give myself more time. I’m still afraid.

Hold On

And by Hold On I mean Let Go!, well loosen your grip just a little. Life sends us little messages in the form of how we feel or what we anticipate we’ll experience. If my experience is any indication, the more my ego is involved in the results, or if I have expectations about the desired outcome, the more self-centered fear plays its role in my emotional well-being, at the moment. In fact, I will have lost touch with now.

let go
Three things

Another aspect of experience came to light and it fits perfectly with how, when I do experience irritation or negative feelings. I allow myself to experience them fully and let them pass, instead of doing something to be rid of them. An amazingly talented writer intimated this perfectly in this piece   fitfulfearfulphantasmal.wordpress.com/…/hurry-up-and-hurt-me

This is how I view uncomfortable situations and feelings today. Let me have it because my pain is a gateway to growth and character.