Do you know the difference?

Allow me to introduce you to the Yellow Jacket Wasp.

Profanity Warning!

These little bastards are fucking mean! They are considered to be beneficial because they eat other insects like mosquitoes, apids and the like. I have become acquainted with them, quite painfully 6 times in the past week.

Yellowjacket.Mostly.Dorsal
Yellow Jacket

They will defend the colony very aggressively. A giant, pushing/chasing a lawnmower over the nest is to be attacked mercilessly. The sting is painful initially leaving a sharp ache the rest of the day.

MDAgroundnests
Ground-nesting insects

When the ache subsides, what you are left with is not unlike a large mosquito bite that itches for a week or more. I am amazed at the tenacity and courage of these little fuckers. Imagine giving your life trying to kill a creature several thousand times your size to defend the queen and her brood.

What I have learned.

  1. They only nest annually
  2. Only the inseminated queen survives the cold winters (not sure how I don’t care)
  3. She starts a new colony in spring
  4. Late summer the nest is at its highest density (ah now I am beginning to understand)
  5. Upon discovery stay away, let them settle down and take another pass if necessary.

The Takeaway. I have a profound curiosity for all of God’s creatures. There is something to be learned from nature that I can apply to the miracle of life and existence.

Courage, what are you willing to give your life for? Survival of a representative republic?(that’s a worthy blog post by itself) Tenacity, How adamant are you about your faith? I feel I could be better. Defense of your family. I know I can be hard on them, but I only want what’s best and will expect the same in return.

God bless all of you and thank you for reading to the end.

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What am I afraid of?

To be honest with you, I can’t put my finger on it. I’m fairly level headed, open-minded I am committed to improving myself. I still can’t shake the idea that I’ll be found to be unappealing, odd what have you. I am petrified at the thought of putting myself out there and opening myself up for disappointment and ridicule.

I like who I have become. I want to be counted on, to be thought about and anticipated. Perhaps, I should give myself more time. I’m still afraid.

Hold On

And by Hold On I mean Let Go!, well loosen your grip just a little. Life sends us little messages in the form of how we feel or what we anticipate we’ll experience. If my experience is any indication, the more my ego is involved in the results, or if I have expectations about the desired outcome, the more self-centered fear plays its role in my emotional well-being, at the moment. In fact, I will have lost touch with now.

let go
Three things

Another aspect of experience came to light and it fits perfectly with how, when I do experience irritation or negative feelings. I allow myself to experience them fully and let them pass, instead of doing something to be rid of them. An amazingly talented writer intimated this perfectly in this piece   fitfulfearfulphantasmal.wordpress.com/…/hurry-up-and-hurt-me

This is how I view uncomfortable situations and feelings today. Let me have it because my pain is a gateway to growth and character.

 

Preoccupied

I wouldn’t mind having a conversation with this innocent fellow.

Have you ever been stricken with a sudden drastic change in appearance? One where you just want to avoid seeing or especially talking to people.  I had that happen to me last night. Eating my late night huge bowl of cereal. When I realize my front tooth was detached from where it belongs.

I have been what I like to refer to as an ideal dental patient. It is however expensive to keep up for me. Turns out a filling failed and lead to the whole thing coming apart. Oh well, I’ll get back to the dentist.

My point here is I was consumed all day with, thinking about it. What shall I do if I encounter anyone? I’ll just get my work done and hide out until I can get the damn thing fixed. I was forgetful, inattentive, distracted, my whole day was like I was not of this earth.

I found though, that I was more aware of myself and actually enjoyed my work day tremendously. I slowed down and noticed how much smoother my day went than the previous day.

star
Star

This has definitely been a wake-up call to take care of things I’ve been putting off. I just want to keep working and taking care of my customers, and I can wait until more convenient time to get these things attended to. NOT!

lilly
What color would you call that?

Well, I’ll be hiding out until I can get my tooth/teeth taken care of. Have a great weekend!

I love my American Girl!

 

Faith

Here is the 4th in my series on spiritual principles.

Faith to know beyond knowing, beyond the intellectual mind. Faith is described in the New testament- Hebrews 11: 1 Now faith is the conviction concerning those things that are in hope as if it were these things in action* and the revelation of those things that are unseen. Frome the Aramaic Bible in Plain English.

This where in the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous suggests we Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the are of God as we understand Him. In the beginning, I was ready because my best thinking got me to the point of Surrender and the resulting arrival of a new Honesty with myself.

At this point in my recovery, I believe that I was always have been under the care and protection of Him. So for me, Step three is a daily dedication to cooperating with that Power instead of ignoring, or discounting it all together.

On a mindfulness angle, we're talking about manifesting abundance. Raising my vibration and what have you. I just say it differently. If I am positive and I know it, positive things happen. Mind you things happen that may not seem positive while they're happening, but experience has shown that even what seems like the worst imaginable, has turned out for the best.

A blogger I was recently followed by, and I, of course, followed back, wrote a lovely piece that is an excellent example of faith Mind over Matter  See I consider it a miracle that she followed just today, Easter Sunday 2017 Thank you!

“I hope you’re done and not here just to take a break”.

Those were the words of Roger B. at The Retreat in Wayzata The Retreat

His words stuck home with me that day in November 1998. I was done and had finally reached the point where I was “willing to go to any lengths to get it” I had to want to be “done” in order for any of the suggestions proposed by 12 step programs to work in my life.

If I hang on the delusion that someday, I will be able to drink and maybe smoke a little weed and I will not at some point be “on the hunt” for a hit, I am a goner.

It is I am told the great obsession of every addict to be able to use or drink without consequences.

Those days are long past though and I have discovered, that it wasn’t the using that was the problem. I was the problem. I am super sensitive and have chasm within me that is insatiable and drug and alcohol were the only things that dulled that ache. I describe it here The Longing

As long as I think I can use something, somebody, some activity to quell that craving I am a slave in chains to it and will use any means to at least try to calm the desire to feel whole.

Peace be with you! ❤

 

Do you Like?

I decided to start sharing on this site, as a creative outlet. I found that I had composed a few ideas that seemed to resonate with more fellow travelers than I expected. Initially, though, the idea was to write a book about who I have become through addiction, recovery, and life on it’s own terms.

Finding WordPress changed that, for now, into a series of blog posts, with similar objectives. In addition, I thought too, that some, if they found it, might be helped. Which is, I have found to be my recently discovered passion. I have learned that I love service to others, in my business (landscape maintenance) and in my endeavor to stay active in recovery from addiction.

Almost immediately, two unexpected dynamics emerged. 1. I want and crave madly for all of you to like my posts. And 2. That in order to develop any kind of following I have to read and respond to other bloggers, which turned out to be as much, if not more work than, formulating, composing, revising, editing any post I might devise.

Further on up the road, I have found that I absolutely love reading all of you whom I follow. I love reading and responding to items of interest. I honestly look forward to more and am, sincerely grateful for all of you, who follow me.