Inside your head, thinking, beliefs and behaviors. This is a perpetual exercise for me so I continue growing. If you’re standing still everything else is passing you by, consequently losing ground. Do you want to be better, have more to contribute? Can you be honest about that? I say YES! Well, then a rigorous self-examination is in order.
What is found there will be of use or is worthy of elimination through admission to one’s self, God and another. If you’ve made it this far, congratulations and thank you! I don’t suggest what anyone should do, I merely tell you what I do. Please continue.
“Repentance must not only have its time but also its time of preparation. And herein lies the need of confession, the holy act that ought to be preceded by preparation. Just as a person changes his/her clothes for a celebration, so a person preparing for confession is inwardly changed. But if in the hour of one has not truly made up his/her mind (decision) he/she is still only distracted. He/she only see his/her faults with half an eye. When he/she talks it’s just talk-not a true confession. The all-knowing One does not get to know something about those who confess, rather those who confess find out something about themselves.” Soren Kierkegaard Provocations.
So this sort of thing seems to be a universal truth, few, however, are fortunate to have experienced enough pain to consider, trying something new/old as it were.
“A person who cares nothing for praise or blame knows great inward peace….Praise does not make you holier than you are, nor blame more wicked. You are exactly what you are, and cannot ever be any better or worse than that, in the eyes of God. Attend to what is really within you, then, and you will not care what others say of you. People look at externals, but God looks at the heart. They weigh actions; God knows your intent….To feel no need of human support and assurance is a mark of inward confidence – of those who truly walk with God in their hearts.”- Thomas À Kempis
I know it is nearly impossible to imagine, however, it’s like another quote I like to refer to “It’s better to aim for the stars and land on the moon than to aim for a mud puddle and hit it.”
Wishing all a blessed day and that your’s shall be just as it should.
The lamps are different,
But the Light is the same.
So many garish lamps in the dying brain’s lamp-show,
Forget about them.
Concentrate on the essence, concentrate on the Light.
In lucid bliss, calmly smoking off its own holy fire,
The Light streams towards you from all things,
All people, all possible permutations of good, evil, thought, passion.
The lamps are different,
but the Light is the same.
One matter, one energy, one Light, one Light-mind,
Endlessly emanating all things.
One turning and burning diamond,
One, one, one.
Ground yourself, strip yourself down,
To blind loving silence.
Stay there, until you see
You are gazing at the Light
With its own ageless eyes.
The take away for me was that I have manifested “ghosts and monsters” in my own persona from my resistance to serious consideration of my own ineptitude in relation to my creator Yahweh. To say it is uncomfortable to consider one’s flawed perfection severely understates the human condition.
Today we celebrate!
Death could not contain Him so we color eggs and discount what the real meaning is. This is, in my opinion, another example of avoidance of our true nature, inescapably human. I am relieved of my affliction through the admission of my sin (imperfection) and turning to Him as an example, through his teachings. From there the truly miraculous occurs. I begin to live a life free from regret, I can forgive, be generous without consideration of “what’s in it for me?” and gain tremendous gratitude for what I have, which is provided, I can proceed anxiety free believing that my needs will be provided for.
Shhh, Be quiet and very still. It’s there a gnawing ache, scratching from within. A hunger, but that’s not quite it. A Longing, an emptiness, a vast pit of despair. If you’re honest, and I trust, that to be difficult, if not impossible, to admit.
There is, though, a certain freedom in admitting that it is there. I have done the very thing to irradicate this agony. Use of any number of distractions in the form of substance abuse, activity, striving for status and adulation, etc. It all left me hollow and even more desperate. It has become my belief that this is in all of us, placed there by God, that we might seek Him and gain His Peace in the mere seeking.
There is a slight problem though, alone again with my humanity I can’t endure the shame of my imperfection next to His supremacy. I am saved though by Yeshua’s sacrifice. Today we celebrate that event, solemnly, reverently, searching for the release from that fault.
“…you see, my desire for you is relentless and consumes me much of the time.
I know not of what fills your day and the mystery only fuels my passion. The fact is, that I refrain from pestering you constantly, as I’m sure you have a full life as any person would, may or may not be of any interest to you. The fact remains that I torture myself for you.”
“if God and the relationship to God are left out, then this is not love, but a mutual and enchanting illusion. For only in love for God can one love in truth. To help another human being to love God is to love another person. And to be helped by another human being to love God is to be loved.” Soren Kierkegaard Provocations
“…You see because of where we are and what we’re each up to and my wanting you too much, and your human inadequacies and mine I am left only to seek that which is eternal when I want badly to gain from you which you can’t possibly provide. You help me to love God and in turn am being loved by you…”
“…I know it’s deep and may not have ever occurred to you or even is remotely comfortable for you to consider…”
“But the one who loves says: I abide. Put the past out of the way; drown it in the forgiveness of the eternal by abiding in Love. Then the end is the beginning and there is no Break.” Soren Kierkegaard
I have acknowledged my error in perception, forgiven the “perpetrator”, asked forgiveness and expressed an interest in making up for the infraction. My question is now what?
Well for starters, I can return to what is. That which is available right now always has been and always will be. I have to admit though it is not as easy as it might sound. My mind (Ego) keeps thinking and restlessness ensues. Constantly searching for the next big thing, a thrill, some form of satisfaction from out there, all the while, “it’s an Inside Job”
Bringing my attention back to my body and where and when I am. It’s like a broken or scratched record. To break the habit of dwelling in my thoughts and the particular appetites that I want to feed, in lieu of residing in my being.
Recognize and acknowledge what I am grateful for.
Let those who matter, know that I appreciate them, no matter what I think they think.
Be quiet and still for my own benefit. “put the oxygen mask on first, before helping others with theirs”
Praise and thank God for all the blessings, strength and forgiveness He has given.
Go in Peace
This is another repeat track but is so relevant, from the album title and song to the music Thank you, I will always love you