Greetings friends and reading enthusiasts. I am at the crux of, order out of chaos or vice versa and have no wish to discern which. The following are a couple passages from recent reading that have struck me as profound, though why is still a mystery.
The hidden life of love, in its most inward depths, is unfathomable and still has a boundless relationship with the whole of existence. as the quiet lake is fed by the flow of hidden springs, which no eyes see, so a human being’s love is grounded in God’s love.
Soren Kierkegaard Provocations
Revelation induces complete but temporary suspension of doubt and fear. It reflects the original form of communication between God and his creations, involving the extremely personal sense of creation sometimes sought in physical relationships. Physical closeness cannot achieve it.
ACIM II. Revelation, Time and Miracles
Fantasy is a distorted form of vision. Fantasies of any kind are distortions because they always involve twisting perception into unreality. Actions that stem from distortions are literally the reactions of those who know not what they do. Fantasy is an attempt to control reality according to false needs. Twist reality in any way and you are perceiving destructively. Fantasies are a way of making false associations and attempting to obtain pleasure from them.
ACIM VII. Distortions of Miracle Impulses
So there you have it, take from it what you will and have a day that you create.
So, are you not surprised that I might be taking a close look at myself in relationships? As well as in other aspects of my life. What is important? Is who I am relating to and how I am, really appropriate and adding to life, loving-kindness, and compassion? Am I doing right by those with whom I am relating? Is my imagination running away with me?
Am I a turkey? Not literally, but am I being made a fool of, due to my trusting and solitary nature? It is time to attempt to figure it out. If the expressions are authentic and if so, am I regressing into mistrust, am I also a fool? It is said, “if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is”. “Probably”? Then there is a remote chance? Though very unlikely, what’s the worst that could happen, they are really only hurting themselves.
And if it is true and strong, this reflection in no way could hinder or harm that which will last. At least as long as things do in this place we call home for now. So I will seek stillness, even in motion, silence even in comotion and will be better for it as I emerge on the other side.
To say Goodbye. The most intimate relationship of the human experience is the Mother/child. To experience the severance of that in the expiration of the physical body is in my humble experience, one of the greatest opportunities for personal growth, however, fraught with the full spectrum of emotion. Even with the benefit of advanced notice and preparation its’ impossible to anticipate how it will be responded to.
So now what? As I see and perceive the impact writing seems the natural thing to do. I can’t. Time to process and digest what has happened. The source that brought me into this world is gone now. I was her first. A celebration of her presence and impact will ensue, along with the tedious details that accompany the passing of loved ones.
It seems and everyone has said that she waited to let go until I arrived. Friday I arrived and came to her bed, clearly not comfortable she saw me and smiled and said “you made it”. My niece who has been giving care took leave to get some nourishment. I sat with her (Nana-Nancy), she wanted to go downstairs but could not move. I helped her to the edge of the bed where she attempted to stand several times and could not. There I held her and she fell asleep, which she had not done since 3 AM the morning before. It was then I accepted what was to come today.
Family and close friends were here over the weekend and paid their respects and we shared in camaraderie near the end. It was quite an occasion all day Saturday and night. She left us 1:50 Pacific time today. Remember those you care for and make sure they know you care. Goodbye Nana, I love you
And the sun rises, such is our term here in this realm. Everybody will, at some time face the inevitable demise of a parent’s physical body. I have embraced and befriended the end of the life of my body and the death of loved ones. I seem to have been plagued or blessed with a unique take. I’m not sorry or sad.
It has come time for my mother to take her turn at the end of this life. I will be fortunate to be able to see her and be of service to her as her body and capacity fails to continue.
I will celebrate her life and make sure she knows the unfathomable impact she has made on me and the world through me. Life goes on.
She has instilled in me a positive attitude. I see the beauty, the possibilities, the love and opportunity in nearly every situation. She gave that to me and I can only wish to pass it on to everyone I encounter. Especially to my children.
I am lucky to have healthy kids, it is also not lost on me that not everyone does and I’ll not take it for granted. I am the bow from which these are shot out into life to which they belong.
It’s also important to me to keep it light and maintain a sense of humor as The Mighty Jester is quite hilarious in His ways
would give them chocolate covered espresso beans lol
I will be traveling to see her at the end of this week, please don’t be sorry I am not
We cannot fear that which we do not know, we only fear to lose what we know. I’m not losing anything. she has given me so much that I can’t comprehend what might be lost except her temporary presence here. She will always be with me.
I love this quote, it is attributed to Malcom S. Forbes from a book of quotes from him The sayings of chairman Malcom
I thought of this today as A realtor and I were viewing a three unit residential house in a historic preservation district. Upon the conclusion of our inspection of the fist floor unit. (first viewing main floor unit only) We encountered a man that was looking for a place to rent for a relative. He said that they were in an apartment and looking to rent in a duplex or house.
Clearly here was a man who could not do anything for us, that I could think of. We told him that the property is for sale and that we didn’t know of any units for rent.
I would love to be in a position to help someone like this. There is a great need for rentals in the city for those getting assistance through section 8. I’d like to provide them with a place and support to the degree that they could find a way out of that predicament if they so desired. I’ll pray that I can help them and have faith that miracles happen.
We need to share our struggles and triumphs with others and participate in theirs. Contact with fellow sufferers in this realm is imperative, without human contact we wither and fade away. I’m not suggesting that everyone needs the same amount by any means. It must be reciprocal though. I need to allow people to really know me, especially the worst of what I find in my observation of my self and my thinking. There is a great liberation in admitting to another your faults and listening to their feedback. When I admit the worst I can be I am free to act differently. That which we deny or fight is given power in our psyches. The result is any number of destructive behaviors.
My greatest enemy is myself alone with my fears. Which is, what I have come to learn, my resistance to what is and my consistent regret of the past and my stewing about the future. Now is where it’s at. There is no problem now, only opportunity. I can discern with assistance of others the appropriate responses to the needs at hand. The best option nearly always is getting out of my “Shit Stew” and find someone less fortunate than I that I can share what I have with. Helping others is the answer. I am provided for by the collective consciousness/God if you please. If I am generous with my attention life/the universe will manifest exactly what I need.
I have found that what I was afraid to tell others about myself led to admiration and connection not ridicule and avoidance. These people opened up their lives to me and we share in this glorious life here together.
Inside your head, thinking, beliefs and behaviors. This is a perpetual exercise for me so I continue growing. If you’re standing still everything else is passing you by, consequently losing ground. Do you want to be better, have more to contribute? Can you be honest about that? I say YES! Well, then a rigorous self-examination is in order.
What is found there will be of use or is worthy of elimination through admission to one’s self, God and another. If you’ve made it this far, congratulations and thank you! I don’t suggest what anyone should do, I merely tell you what I do. Please continue.
“Repentance must not only have its time but also its time of preparation. And herein lies the need of confession, the holy act that ought to be preceded by preparation. Just as a person changes his/her clothes for a celebration, so a person preparing for confession is inwardly changed. But if in the hour of one has not truly made up his/her mind (decision) he/she is still only distracted. He/she only see his/her faults with half an eye. When he/she talks it’s just talk-not a true confession. The all-knowing One does not get to know something about those who confess, rather those who confess find out something about themselves.” Soren Kierkegaard Provocations.
So this sort of thing seems to be a universal truth, few, however, are fortunate to have experienced enough pain to consider, trying something new/old as it were.
“A person who cares nothing for praise or blame knows great inward peace….Praise does not make you holier than you are, nor blame more wicked. You are exactly what you are, and cannot ever be any better or worse than that, in the eyes of God. Attend to what is really within you, then, and you will not care what others say of you. People look at externals, but God looks at the heart. They weigh actions; God knows your intent….To feel no need of human support and assurance is a mark of inward confidence – of those who truly walk with God in their hearts.”- Thomas À Kempis
I know it is nearly impossible to imagine, however, it’s like another quote I like to refer to “It’s better to aim for the stars and land on the moon than to aim for a mud puddle and hit it.”
Wishing all a blessed day and that your’s shall be just as it should.
The lamps are different,
But the Light is the same.
So many garish lamps in the dying brain’s lamp-show,
Forget about them.
Concentrate on the essence, concentrate on the Light.
In lucid bliss, calmly smoking off its own holy fire,
The Light streams towards you from all things,
All people, all possible permutations of good, evil, thought, passion.
The lamps are different,
but the Light is the same.
One matter, one energy, one Light, one Light-mind,
Endlessly emanating all things.
One turning and burning diamond,
One, one, one.
Ground yourself, strip yourself down,
To blind loving silence.
Stay there, until you see
You are gazing at the Light
With its own ageless eyes.
The take away for me was that I have manifested “ghosts and monsters” in my own persona from my resistance to serious consideration of my own ineptitude in relation to my creator Yahweh. To say it is uncomfortable to consider one’s flawed perfection severely understates the human condition.
Today we celebrate!
Death could not contain Him so we color eggs and discount what the real meaning is. This is, in my opinion, another example of avoidance of our true nature, inescapably human. I am relieved of my affliction through the admission of my sin (imperfection) and turning to Him as an example, through his teachings. From there the truly miraculous occurs. I begin to live a life free from regret, I can forgive, be generous without consideration of “what’s in it for me?” and gain tremendous gratitude for what I have, which is provided, I can proceed anxiety free believing that my needs will be provided for.