It’s not For Sale

As much as it may seem or as much as I pretend to have gained through the ravages of active addiction and the process of recovering from it. I still feel like a pathetic fool and a fraud. There is something below in my psyche that tells me I have a price to pay and must suffer humiliating groveling for attention. That I don’t deserve to be treated better.

I have only experienced glimpses of peace, the kind that can neither be bought, sold or bargained for. I know what I should do but simply don’t. Holding out hope that things will change and it will all fall together blissfully.

Lord, I pray now that you strengthen the frail faith that I might truly rely on You wholly

 

soaring
Soaring

I was blessed with a gift this afternoon. I was witness to this glorious creature providing for itself. Gliding ever so gently circling down toward the river’s surface and finally grabbing a meal like the fish just swam intentionally to become dinner.

I tried to capture the event but somethings are not meant to be and become treasured events that represent a turning point. The eagle does not worry about what it has done or what it deserves. He is merely provided for through being what he/she is.

A little while later I discovered this pair in an urban neighborhood proximate to the river. Moments like these make me realize how small I am in the greater scheme of things and that a smile and a kind gesture will go farther than any complaints I might have.

I know I’ve featured this one before but it is touching me now

Let the music here touch your soul

 

 

How could I?

I like to think that I have a strong faith in God. Yet I have recently had occasion to doubt.

DOUBT

transitive verb

  1. archaic a: fear b: suspect
  2. to call into question the truth of : to be uncertain or in doubt about
  3. a: to lack confidence in-Distrust b: to consider unlikely.

I had been thinking it unlikely that I would be able to accept a job offer due to having prior commitments, I had worried that I would have to tell customers that I would not be able to provide service due to traveling. I wasn’t sure I would have time to complete commitments after a scheduled orientation meeting today.

I was tossing last night doing my best to let Him have my cares and to forgive my faithlessness. All of my prayers were answered. I felt a warm sense of ease. I knew it would all work out. I could not comprehend how, based on the information I had at the time, I just knew.

  1. It didn’t snow while I was away no need to let customers down.
  2. My offer to work for the biggest online retailer as a seasonal delivery station associate came after Thanksgiving
  3. The shifts I will work will allow me to continue to work during daylight hours.
  4. the orientation lasted 2 1/2 hours instead of the 4 I had expected. Allowing me to complete jobs I had committed to, and better yet, the last job was much easier to get done than I had expected.

I had to stop and Thank and praise Him and was in tears as I knew I had doubted that it was all going to go better than I could have dreamed. It always does