There comes a time

To say Goodbye. The most intimate relationship of the human experience is the Mother/child. To experience the severance of that in the expiration of the physical body is in my humble experience, one of the greatest opportunities for personal growth, however, fraught with the full spectrum of emotion. Even with the benefit of advanced notice and preparation its’ impossible to anticipate how it will be responded to.

So now what? As I see and perceive the impact writing seems the natural thing to do. I can’t. Time to process and digest what has happened. The source that brought me into this world is gone now. I was her first. A celebration of her presence and impact will ensue, along with the tedious details that accompany the passing of loved ones.

It seems and everyone has said that she waited to let go until I arrived. Friday I arrived and came to her bed, clearly not comfortable she saw me and smiled and said “you made it”. My niece who has been giving care took leave to get some nourishment. I sat with her (Nana-Nancy), she wanted to go downstairs but could not move. I helped her to the edge of the bed where she attempted to stand several times and could not. There I held her and she fell asleep, which she had not done since 3 AM the morning before. It was then I accepted what was to come today.

Family and close friends were here over the weekend and paid their respects and we shared in camaraderie near the end. It was quite an occasion all day Saturday and night. She left us 1:50 Pacific time today. Remember those you care for and make sure they know you care. Goodbye Nana, I love you

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Aprehensive

Since beginning my endeavor into writing, I have become interested in words, their meaning and origin. I have always been very literal and find this word curious.

Aprehensive

adjective
adjective: apprehensive
  1. 1.
    anxious or fearful that something bad or unpleasant will happen.
    “he felt apprehensive about going home”
    synonyms: anxiousworrieduneasynervousconcernedagitatedtenseafraidscaredfrightenedfearfulMore

    antonyms: confident
  2. 2.
    archaic literary
    relating to perception or understanding.
Personally, I find the archaic definition more appealing to my literal mind.
The ability to apprehend, grasp or comprehend an idea or concept. I don’t quite understand how the word became to mean something related to fear and anxiety.
Maybe someone out there can help me to understand.
Meanwhile here is more from my visit to MIA Minneapolis Insitute of Art
accompanied by my lovely daughters.
aww
Siblings, how can they love and be repulsed by each other simultaneously?

Cheesy right?

Have a seat

Have a seat

A grand location for the exhibition of expression

My #1

Firearms as art?…She’ll never forgive me, but after all isn’t it a parent’s job to embarrass their kids?

They will never know what it was like without a mobile device… It was so hard lols

Apprehending what love is and to experience it in all of its eternal facets

There you have it. You may now carry on as you were.

Until then if you please, enjoy a taste of mine.

 

Everything is sacred

From my perspective, I see that it is true. From the contrast of a crow in the snow. to the ingenuity of humanity to create and express, lends to us all a richness that, if one is still and aware, provides meaning to life.

I love trains

 

One of my favorite things to do to provide nutrition to my soul is to visit The Minneapolis Institute of Art. It is free except for parking. I particularly am attracted to sculpture.

entering

Here are a few that caught my eye during a recent visit.

Borius

abducting

 

From the eyes through the heart to the hands we all have the treasures left to “lose our selves and find ourselves at once” appreciating the creations of others.

Some paintings caught my attention as well. These and many more were ingested as a supplement for a healthier coexistence.

 

 

Doing this is a gift to myself and to all I encounter and beyond radiating love and appreciation for life as it is and has always been.

There is a sacred beauty in everything if you are quiet enough to apprehend it. May your life today be, as it should. You have a choice.

Close your eyes and allow the music to transport you. New music

On my list

My list of things I am grateful for, living in Minnesota. The Mall of America is on there. This place is such a blast. I enjoy looking for things I might like to buy or be given should I be fortunate enough. There is also the opportunity to buy presents for those I care about. There is also a place at the center of it all, created for children of all ages. That being Nicolodeon Universe, a full-sized amusement park.

Here are just a few places I like to shop for myself and others. I’ll leave it up to you to ponder, which are for who.

I was here over the weekend and wanted to express my gratitude for being close to the wonderful place. I know that the time to be here is when most are still getting up. Of course, there are many other places of interest and utility, too many to list in my brief post. It’s just fun for me.

Bless all of you who have made it this far

Jeff

Something out of the Ordinary

Or perhaps, for you, not so much. Today or I should say. Beginning late last night I went to Christmas midnight Mass. I felt led to participate in this blessed tradition and am not sure of why. I went embracing the mystery of it all.

I am not Catholic and am still mystified by all the gestures and rituals. I have found great value, though, in ritual. It has become the foundation for improving my life, from my however flawed, perspective. I did feel a bit out of place but welcome none the less.

Inside

I attended the celebration at The Cathedral of Saint Paul. What a magnificent place! I can only imagine what it must have been like in 1915 when the first liturgy was held on Palm Sunday, March 14th of that year. This is the biggest Church I have ever been in.

Nothing out of the expected occurred. There were carrols, prayers, readings from scripture, a homily by The Most Rev. Bernard A. Hebda, Arch Bishop of Saint Paul and Minneapolis. A profession of faith. The offering, and of course Communion. I did not take communion as I am not, or do not consider myself Catholic. I did, however, go up for a blessing Arms crossed over my chest.

Liturgy Guide

I am still processing the occasion and take away these

  1. All are invited
  2. I am flawed and in need of forgiveness
  3. I am forgiven in Christ’s Life, death, and Resurrection
  4. His Spirit as God Lives in me
  5. I am to give as I have been so graciously been given

Merry Christmas until then enjoy divinely inspired Rock Guitar

Demolition precedes Renovation

I am reflecting on this year. I started writing here about this time last year. My eyes and being have been subject to a wonderous eco-system of artists, entrepreneurs, visionaries and downright hilarious expressionists. All here to get out what can no longer be contained within.

Mine is a journey of ongoing and perpetual self-discovery and, hopefully, growth. None of which occur when things are going according to my particular sensitivities. I have found that before I have exhausted all of my self-determined solutions and am in complete despair I am unable to surrender.

inside
Demolition

Upon the occasion of surrender and acceptance of my inability to do anything of my self. That part of me must be demolished in order for a renovation to begin. Recovery does not take a linear path. There are pauses and serious faults found along the way where construction is halted, the architect is consulted and a diversion in the path is found suitable. The result, though is spectacular. An ever increasing gratitude and willingness to embrace the mystery of this mortal sentence is uncovered.

 

I am so blessed to be alive, willing and able to feel and express how lucky I am to be here. I wanted to be different than I was. I surrendered, asked for help performed the demolition, evaluated what was of any use, repaired the fractures in my relationships and am growing up.

Merry Christmas the wait is nearly over and All you have needed and will ever need is inside you right now. If only for the obstructions built by self-will. Ask for and accept help…Cry Out! Help is only too ready to assist.

My Frailty

frail·ty ˈfrā(ə)ltē

noun

the condition of being weak and delicate.

“the increasing frailty of old age”

weakness in character or morals.
plural noun: frailties
“all drama begins with human frailty”
I have all my needs provided for or acquired. I find myself craving more. As the result of paying close attention to my desires and potential drives behind them. I have found that I can never really have what I am hoping to possess in some way. I have yet to figure out why I become obsessed with what I can really never have in the way I imagine.
I am in fact sure that if I did get it, I would no longer want it with the same passion that I wanted for it in the first place. What is it about me that I contort my principles to appeal another that I might be found in their favor, while at the same time the reaction to me is one of ambivalence or perhaps even indifference. It leaves me wanting it even more
apathy-i-dont-care-405x405
image source Google images

While all along there are those that are available, yet there is only mild interest on my part.

I think I am afraid to make authentic connections and receive the Love an appreciation that I’m not sure I deserve but should.