I detect a theme emerging in the recent writings of bloggers I follow. My thoughts were on the notion that what I am doing is not obedience. It is neither submission or acquiescence. I have been trying to put my metaphorical finger on it. As with, literally everything pertaining to each one’s faith, including my own, to attempt to describe it accurately fails miserably with words.
So what is it? My initial answer was a kind of collaboration, but that’s not it, exactly. I was letting these things percolate with the catalyst of mental and verbal prayer and scripture reading, with some blog reading. Here https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2021/01/16/wisdom-from-an-intermediate-noticer/ and here https://jtjustteri.wordpress.com/2021/01/15/gathering-the-scattered-thoughts/
It is in my experience awareness in utter humility. That’s It! I have read Anthony de Mello’s book Awareness countless times and it hit me like (insert any metaphor here) “a ton of bricks” today. The complete realization of my smallness in relation to creation. In addition to the incomprehensible miracle of the humanity. Yet at the same time if we’re in keeping with the teachings of Jesus and the wisdom from the Old Testament. Being small can be incredibly powerful, in our immediate sphere of influence, and beyond, even if, and especially if I possess no intention, other than living a joyous life trying my best to attend to God’s will before my own. Which can only happen in Awareness.
Look, I don’t want credit for things I should be doing. I am also contemplating being helpful while avoiding drawing attention to myself. In so doing I am finding a seeming inexhaustible energy. Bear with me as I am just cataloguing some of the richness I am experiencing lately. I have realized a gratitude for even the trials and sorrows I have experienced. I wouldn’t be who I am without any miniscule part of it.
I have a role which I was specifically and miraculously designed for. There are no rehearsals and I am only witness to it unfolding a moment at a time. So onward with The Ultimate traveling Partner, yet “In silence before Him I become Aware of what I am to do in service, that I might reveal to all I encounter the magnificence of his Love and power to transform, a frightened, selfish, wretched creature into something other…you tell me, I am dwarfed in awe here. “Love and Trust are the solvents for life that I might not resist the opportunities presented when they are revealed.