A theme has emerged in my attention to and contemplation of things as they are this week. That being we humans are imperfect with limitations, however, we are also the highest in many ways, in an evolutionary aspect. The epitome of imperfection becomes evident in relation to our fellows and the ways we devise to establish our place among them. Which of course, leads to errors and harm to ourselves and others. Alas, we’re “only human”…is this an excuse? I admit I have used this to justify and rationalize my actions. We are capable of so much better.
What that is to me and any who may consider such things is as diverse as anyone can conceive. So with only my faculties, what does it mean to me to be better? I am very fortunate indeed, some would say “privileged”. I do not have any formal education, so I have that going for me. I am however wildly curious about how happiness is arrived at. I had all the perceived opportunity one could wish for in this thing we call life and decided to spend most of it impaired, through the use of substances. I thought I was happy, when in fact I was suffering from a perception of lack that I used substances to blot out. Which led to a series of catastrophes and finally a surrender.
I’m not going to rehash the whole story here and it’s all documented on my site. The point is how I am making progress, from where I am at this moment. Through my process in recovery, from resistance to religious ideas to fully embracing and being consumed/apprehended by Christ, and the result being Love for all, without reservation. I would have, at the beginning of my journey, stopped listening/reading as soon as any religion was alluded to. My will had to be crushed, and any notion that I was capable of making sound decisions on my own behalf had to be destroyed.
In utter despair I found that I need to stop and listen, which is how in my opinion I am able to, and any that find themselves in or out of sorts can find relief. I want more though and am making progress through delving deeper into the unseen, unheard and unimagined. Into obscurity which is where real progress is found for humanity. Our bodies, minds, thoughts and aspirations are limited. There is though from my experience something at our core(our souls) that is at once in God while simultaneously He is a part of us, within. I was never able to recognize this without slowing down enough to notice.
As I bring my attention to breathing and to God’s will, which is what I’m doing when I stop if even for a millisecond to consider what’s happening. If I get better with practice any one can if they really want to be better and not prevail over others. It is an investment of time that has yielded innumerable results. I wish to help, am I helping anyone but myself? Perhaps in helping myself in this way all will benefit.