Change! It occurred to me that the header of my blog wasn’t quite right. I am changing things up to better reflect, what the primary focus is for my writing and, perhaps generate some interest.
Recovery is then possible!
This I believe, is, what it’s all about for me. In addition, I also think that all of us can benefit from the ideas and experience found in the recovering community. It is my contention that we’re all recovering from something, or should be. I have found that I concoct or have themes revealed to me in contemplation of what’s rattling around in my noggin. A reoccurring theme is an idea that from the beginning of my recovery to now, I have been enrolled in an intensive course in self-examination.
This however wasn’t possible while I was consumed with what I was chasing. Obsessed really. It wasn’t until I had exhausted every mechanism of self-preservation and driven to the point of suicide ideation that I was ready to be Done.
But wait there’s more, much more! There was, though I wasn’t capable of acknowledging it at the time, a divine intervention at play. As I have become more adept with honest self examination, I now realize that I was being led the whole time.
These are a few things present now as I contemplate how my perception has been altered, my “mind” had been changed, as the result of paying attention to what’s happening now.
The dazzling myriad of reflections of light reaching my eyes, exposing all that I can perceive with my natural vision. The noises that reach my ears, from the fan in my room, to the cars passing on the street below, and the bells from the church on the corner, summoning the faithful to services. The caw of the crow and the delightful song of the chickadee and sparrow. The aromas which reach my nose, the delicious meal being prepared in the unit adjacent to mine. The feel of the floor against my feet, the seat of the chair holding me up. Something else is present, that I can’t quite describe, a sense that hasn’t a name that I know, it’s not extrasensory. A spirit or soul sense, one that was calloused and could not be felt, due to my endeavor to have my more immediate cravings satisfied, or being consumed by crippling fear of things which have nothing to do with what’s happening now. It is at once a longing and supernatural peace.