She led me to where I refused to go

Taking one step at a time, paying better attention than I ever have, the path chosen for me from before time. I am not on a typical hard fought rocky road to success by conventional standards, I have no interest in that. I want to help, aside from what I can remember of smoking a rock of good cocaine, nothing comes close to the feeling I get when I can help.

I have embarked upon this endeavor of sharing with all of you, my experiences in recovery from addiction/alcoholism. Starting with a brief bio and occasional snippets of important (to me)  slices of what’s happening at the time. As all or surely most of you know, one who blogs, reads blogs. I have had the great pleasure of stumbling upon the illustrious Nicole Lyons. I re-blogged one of her poems the very first time I read her.

Bleed me out on the side of the road

This poem hit me upside the head like a sledge hammer. Well, I thought little of it at that point as I am only a recent consumer of poetry and felt “something” there. After the last few days events have unfolded it is much clearer. It should make sense to you too. But not yet.

A few days pass and another one touches my soul.

And I Will Love You

I commented that this should be a monologue for myself. It could be for anyone it is one for the ages imho

Onward and upward, I read about her book Hush is available for pre-order. So I must have it, and order one. The book will be released April 18 I can’t wait.

Well now to the “good” part. I am going through, reading the blogs I follow, you know how you do, some you do on the reader if something jumps out and you just have to read the whole post. And others, the ones I really love, I seek out and read it from top to bottom, often more than once, and the comments too. Nicole’s is one of many I seek out and do just that, and Georgia too, Love her ❤

Yesterday was World Bipolar day and Nicole posted this

My Manic Mind- WBD – 2017

Woah! I had no fricking idea and she took me for one hell of a ride. One. I shall not soon forget. I am, at this point reminded that my sister suffered from Bipolar disorder and PTSD. It was the first I had read of it about Nicole. Here’s the kicker the next post where she excoriates those who are tired of hearing about mental illness.

Dear Ignorant People on World Bipolar Day

This is where I realized that Nicole inadvertently, had taken my hand through her heart- wrenching outpouring of emotion was leading me to meet my sister again.

L had taken her own life and wanted me to meet her here through the expression of another sufferer. So that I might have an inkling of and an understanding of what drove her to the relief she sought from this insidious affliction. My heart goes out to any and all who suffer and including those that surround and support them.

angelMinneapolis Institute of Art

I am deeply indebted to Nicole, and WordPress for paving the way for me to reunite with her. I remember seeing her sunbathing as an infant in her bassinette on the patio of my grandparents home in Harborview Hills, Corona del Mar CA

Please, there is no need, in my opinion, for you to be sorry. I miss her physical being but that is natural. We are all connected on a more real level that exists beyond this sentence. We have our roles to play here and need to get to know that place of pure love where we belong together.

 

 

 

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12 thoughts on “She led me to where I refused to go

      1. I now realise what you are speaking of having read Nicole’s blog. Although you will never be separated from your sister soul to soul your pain must be enormous. I lost my sister three years ago and she had bipolar for most of her life. I am so, so sorry you have known this pain. She is in your heart but you must miss her so. Love Deborah ❤

        Liked by 1 person

    1. You have played a part as well, I don’t believe if not for becoming interested in dark poetry from a female perspective, I would not have been led down this path. There is more percolating from the sludge 🌒

      Liked by 1 person

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