The stark contrast of what I have become aware of as my natural self, ruled by ego and my earthly desires, and my true inner self, untouched by this mortal existence, is exasperating to observe. If I am left to my own decision making without cooperation with something beyond myself, I nearly extinguished this miracle of living tissue, my soul’s current accommodation, through absent minded abuse of toxic substances and behaviors.
By the grace of God, I was spared for no reason I can think of, other than that I may be able to make some sort of contribution to others of my kind. The process by which this revelation has come about still astounds me. Who The F%*k am I
I walked out into the world that I thought I was going to ransack and rob of all it’s pleasures and satisfactions.
I had done what I intended, and now I found that it was I who was emptied and robbed and gutted.
What a strange thing! In filling myself, I had emptied myself. In grasping things, I had lost everything. In devouring pleasures and joys, I had found distress and anguish and fear.
And now, finally, as a piece of poetic justice, when I was reduced to this extremity of misery and humiliation, I fell into a love affair in which I was at last treated in the way I had treated not a few people in those last years.”
The Seven Storey Mountain
I have recognized that I once thought I was faultless and all of my problems were circumstances beyond my control, either people or situations. I know now through grace that I need to summon the power within my grasp to admit my human frailties and allow this unfathomable source to lead me to a more productive and meaningful life.
That’s all for now, thanks for stopping by.
and some music