Can I help?

Lately I have become aware that, in the rush to be helpful, I have actually done more harm than good. I want to help. but have recently realized I may fail to understand. My ego gets involved and things don’t go as well as they might have, Had I just watched and done nothing, instead of wanting so badly to help and creating more problems

My Ego says.

I get to feel like the savior and get to be all proud of myself and pat myself on the back. Look, what you have done Jeffrey, you’re such a good guy. I have read that the best help you can be to someone is that which you are not aware of giving.

People who try to improve things frequently achieve remarkable success in making them worse.

In the final analysis the solution to problems lies neither in action or inaction but in understanding, for where there is true understanding, there is no problem.

'We don't help ladies across the street anymore. Can't afford the liability insurance.'I am often too eager looking for opportunities where, when I meet someone and think the reason is that I will be able to be of service. I am finding that the answer is already within them. I just need to do my dance, being my usual goofy self and the seed within will begin to sprout. If I try to say anything it may fall on ears not prepared to hear my message.


I will from now on include in my practice to be open to those new ideas. I might actually be in need of help from others rather than being in a position to be of service. Don’t get me wrong. I will not stop wishing to help. I just have to be conscious of Mr. Ego trying to interfere and ruining a great friendship.

If the charge was one of breaking and entering with the intention of doing good, how many of us could plead not guilty.

I will do my best to be present, immensely grateful, smile because there is more reason to than not. If I am asked to help, make sure I am really helping and hopefully, I will be a good helper, just by being me.

so-loudly Thanks for stopping by.




12 thoughts on “Can I help?

  1. A few months ago, I went to a job fair.
    A friend offered to pickup munchkin from school n babysit for a few hours. She stopped by my place to freshen up since it was down the block from munchkin’s school. She also helped munchkin do her homework before taking her to the park. How awesome of her to do all that! I was very grateful.

    A few days later she forwarded me an email she sent to a handful of her friends (people I don’t know). In that email, she described my apt and listed all the things I didn’t have that she thought I needed but couldn’t afford. She wanted to raise money to “help me” get those things. I was humiliated.

    Trouble is, the things she “thought” I needed, were things I didn’t want. Had she asked me first she would have had a better understanding of what is valuable to me. She assumed her values were the same as mine.

    Since then, I wonder if this woman really sees me as a friend or just some charity project for the week to satisfy her “need to help”. I’m all for helping others, but if it comes from an insincere place then who does it really benefit?

    You raised a valid point. First listen so you can understand what someone really needs as opposed to what you “think” they need.

    Happy helping!☺ 🌷

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I have to watch, examine, be aware, intend to understand and remember that I always make mistakes and my imagination defaults to distorted ideas about what I see. Thank you, I wish you joy in your endeavors.


  2. We just talked about something similar in my recovery class tonight and he brought up that we tend to think helping is about “us” – but it should be nothing to do with us and ALL about the other person- and should be approached with humility. Lots more, but it struck me that you mentioned the ego, and wanting to play the savior. I believe his words were: We are not God and don’t really know what the other needs for sure. Every one is different. Just be kind, caring and compassionate- while they sift through their mess, and help them discover the good in themselves. 🙂 It was a good class. I’m glad I went. Great post. Thanks Jeff.

    Liked by 1 person

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