My morning reading today prompted me to remember what I was like 18 some years ago when I was early into recovery from active addiction. A fellow blogger is on their way to inpatient treatment. A quote I read and posted elsewhere also pointed to how reluctant we can be, when it comes to being honest, with ourselves. My ability to be honest with myself goes as far as it does until I encounter, what I call, “the wall of bullshit”.


Over time though the wall moves, by grace, awareness, brought about by willingness.

In order for me to be willing, I have to comprehend the value in it. Meditation, mindfulness and reoccurring relationship issues have all pointed to and indicated areas where I have been and am reluctant, to be honest. Recently a serious, well more serious than ever, endeavor into the interior of my being has resulted in what I consider a miraculous change. I have been and, I assume will continue to be very uncomfortable when I get close to the unchanging self and see the natural man I am. Horrendously wretched, self-absorbed, frightened and fiercely protective. Thank God for becoming man so that I may be redeemed and can face Papa and know that I am loved by him so that I am free to Love me too.

Published by jeffw5382

Stumbling spiritual pilgrim on my way from here to here. Recovered Addict, US Navy Veteran. Sharing my journey of self discovery, in the spirit of service, generosity and gratitude.

10 thoughts on “Honestly?

      1. Yes the way I read Abba is an affectionate term translated, from my interpretation, as Papa 😌 I love more non fiction as it relates to faith, religion, spirituality 🙏🏻


  1. Thanks for sharing this with me. I’ve always found change very uncomfortable. Then again, God sometimes lets us face the most drastic circumstances just for us to realize how much we need Him. It’s a challenging phase to move past the “Why me?” to “How can I change for the better?” ❤

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  2. Pingback: Honesty – WTFAI

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