Today I will share my experience with my dealing with negative feelings. Feeling abandoned, hurt, taken for granted, ignored. My mind is preoccupied with what someone else, thinks and how I feel they are treating me. My stomach is churning like I’ve had too much coffee and nothing to eat. I have learned, from reading about mindfulness, awareness, meditating and being present. My masters are Anthony de Mello, Pema Chodron, Thich Nhat Hanh, and most recently Thomas Merton.
As it has been suggested, from what I recall from my reading. I have developed a practice of being aware of the sensations in my body, doing my best to stay with those, without the storyline. Without out my thoughts if you will. My experience with this has been, dare I say, miraculous. I was going to say enlightening, liberating among others. I can actually be with those heavy feet, muted sounds around me, the furrowed brow, tense muscles and feel this all, while doing my best to let the thought of what I think triggered the episode go.
A new theme has emerged in my life these days, where all around me it seems, the message is taking the good with the bad. Enjoying life’s highs and lows. How we are refined by our navigating our way through tough times, emerging stronger and better equipped to help others. And by helping others leads to a more meaningful life. All true but I have started thinking, about how easily I take the good feelings I have for granted.
We are never so aware of ourselves as when we are experiencing, physical, emotional, spiritual pain. It seems easy to want to alleviate that as quickly as possible. But what of the enjoyable elated thrills we all get to experience. So I intend to persevere in my practice, regardless of my feelings at any given moment. And not forgetting to enjoy the wonderful and be present for the “Not So Much”. As I am enjoying some mango infused supreme dark chocolate and my vaporizer with my favorite e-liquid, with toasted coconut and almonds, brown sugar, vanilla and bourbon notes.
I bid you all farewell as I give all the glory to God as is my purpose.